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I am in a big mess and really don't know what to do.

Back in 2011 my boyfriend and I were having financial issues and he was so stressed and he was getting very nasty towards to me. I had been looking for work but not joy as we have a son. I think in my mind I was studying a religion he threatened our relationship so I began searching for attention from other guys. I met this guy online met up with and slept with him. But I was really not myself at all.
To cut long story short I came home told my bf it was over. I later confessed cheating.
He was hurt and begged me to stay realised he did love me. But stupidly I was finding it hard to let go of this guy strange but think I was using this to get out of my relationship to my bf.
Time went on he went from being hurt to anger and he kept finding out I was with other finally stopped with this guy 2012. Then my bf and I started getting on he still couldn't trust. Then he got really controlling cut internet off. He felt I spent to much time on there. But I had been going for job interviews and no joy. He got really nasty.
I began feeling very controlled. He didn't like my mother coming down. He just seemed to hate me having contact with anyone.
Anyway it's 2013 and I feel trapped. But he still finding hard to trust and feel like I been tortured not forgiven. I want out but then today he been nice when I got home from shopping. In the morning he moaned while I was out he called me as I stopped by this job place to look for work. He said to me is anyone there I said no. Then got a text saying I don't trust you got there and when I got home he telling do I want a phone for when I am out. As I couldn't call him had no credit.
I was tired had to lay down not getting sleep with this nasty cough but he got upset saying I never want to spend time with him and son.

He is being so nice again now and not sure what to do at all. He playing this music saying he is playing this for me. Deep down he would not want me to leave him or us to break up. But I am thinking can I carry on in the relationship if when he is annoyed he chucks what I did in my face putting me down trying to make me feel worthless. But I am feeling so much stronger in myself. And I feel like I am getting back to me and don't want no him telling me nothing. Like I was meant to go see family and a friend this weekend but he telling me no while I have said I won't go but weekend after I will. Not having him hold me back from seeing people or going out. But at the same try make us spend more time together.

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