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Relationship Health Message Board


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I'm 24, my boyfriend's 29. We have happily been together for 8 months. The topic of moving in has been brought up, and tentative plans for October of this year are in discussion. When I told my mom her first reaction was "with no commitment?" (this being defined as at least being engaged).

When I talked to him about moving in non-committed he wasn't very happy about me giving him an "ultimatum", that being, if you aren't going to commit to me, then we're not ready to move in together. After talking various times about this, we came to the agreement that we will move into an apartment together, but not share any other expenses except rent.

I am split because I value my family's take on this, and want to respect what my mom has to say about not being committed and moving in. At the same time, of course I am excited to be moving out with him, but I want to make sure I do things right. My friends have strongly advised against my decision to move in, which is making me more nervous. My boyfriend has made it clear that he will not be committed to me by October, and sees us moving in as "the next stage of our relationship", not the "test drive" that I have referred to it as.

The topic was more less settled, but I still have my nervous feelings about it. I made it clear that I do not want to be "the girlfriend living in an apartment for 10 years", which he understands. We do have conversations about the future which includes talk about future kids, future wedding, etc. But then again, he has made it clear that he will not be committing to me by the time we move in together, or even in the near future for that matter. At the end of one of our conversations he said that if I felt truly passionate about being committed before moving in that he would respect it, but he feels that being non-committed really shouldn't be a big issue. He feels that "a lot of people do it", and doesn't see why I feel this way.

My friend just mentioned that I have a talk with his mom, or maybe even a talk among my mom, him and myself. I'm not really sure what to do at this point, if anything.

Has anyone been through something similar to this? Could anyone provide any perspective? I technically have until October to make this ultimate decision, but my boyfriend mentioned that he would need to know a serious answer by May-ish so if he needed to figure out a plan B he could do so. Ultimately, I want to make the best decision for myself, and want to go about things the right way.

Thanks!





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