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I'm sorry I don't know any books on the topic. I think that he needs to get on with the divorce and start setting some boundaries with his ex so she learns that she may not dictate anything in his life. Not getting the divorce is just prolonging things and giving her reason to believe that she still has a chance to stay together.

My boyfriend is divorced (two children, 13 and 8), but before he and I met, for a long time even after they divorced, he allowed his ex to tell him what to do, where to go, how to do it. During some counseling, the counselor told him that he had to take charge of his own life and actually just tell her no and set boundaries on what was okay and not okay. He did just that. Not only did it make things better for the children and less confusing, it gave him a freedom and happiness he didn't have before.

The way he and I deal with the ex is that she is allowed interaction/input where the kids are concerned, but every other aspect of our lives is off limits. However, I attend any event that has to do with the children whether she is going to be there or not. We have holidays with the kids, go places, etc. I am a part of their lives, too, regardless of how much she may or may not like it.

I wouldn't stay in my relationship if the ex ran things or dictated when/how we could be together. I know your boyfriend feels caught up, but he can get on with it and move on. It will be tough at first, but if he is consistent and sets clear boundaries, things can get better. I really think the key is for him to close that chapter of his life and complete the divorce proceedings.

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