It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I am at such a loss right now... we have been together for 11 years, married for 6, and we planned to have this baby. I noticed he had been acting very distant from me lately and not wanting to have sex. And he kept remarking on how a guy at work went 4 months without sex with his girlfriend when she had to go out of state and he said 5-6 times that he doesn't know how he did it... okay yeah that's a red flag... When I asked him about it last week he said it was because of my belly... ouch. But guys are visual, and thankfully I feel great about my basketball bump. I had to pull all of this out of him but he also admitted that he is finding other women more attractive than me and he wants to have sex with other women. He says he hasn't cheated in any way and he isn't falling in love with anybody else... but he says he has all these regrets, like he wishes he had sex with more women before he met me, he was too shy at the time. He says his life is boring and that I don't do anything fun, his example was I won't go clubbing... uh Hello! I'm 28 and pregnant and that is something we as a couple have never done, it's never been my scene and I wouldn't have done that 10 years ago! I keep feeling like he can't accept me for who I am and keeps trying to change me, a couple of summers ago he was doing an internship and he kept saying how I need to get a tan and wear more dresses... uh I was working 80+ hours a week, I didn't care about those things!. He really is struggling with this and he says he feels like such a piece of s#$% and he cried a little, and on one end I appreciate his honesty but at the same time I just cannot believe what I am hearing. He keeps saying he knows I'm the best thing for him. I currently go to therapy for PTSD due to sexual trauma and other traumatic events in my past, so he knows I have trust issues to begin with and I don't know if I could ever trust another man.

I spoke with my therapist 2 days later (who doesn't do couples counseling), she said she thinks he is very insecure right now in his ability to be a father and it scares him so he is sort of reverting back to a time when he felt more confident in himself? So when he went clubbing before we met?? So at this point I want to make it work, I'm being super supportive of him as I'm reallllly hoping this is some sort of psychological phase and I believe we can get through this with therapy.

Then last night (1 week after the initial flood of information) he tells me that he could cheat on me and I would never know! I said um do you have a plan? And he was quiet and said he didn't want to talk about it. So he has a plan to cheat on me!!! He also said he is not as shy as he used to be and he knows he could cheat with somebody. He knows that if there is any kind of cheating that I am done, I am very successful in my career and we have a prenuptial agreement which states no alimony to either party so I don't know if he is afraid of losing money and his wife and he wants to hide everything? Or maybe he is trying to upset me and push me away so I'll want a divorce?? So now I'm like how can I trust him!?!?!! He said it's purely physical with his sex drive for other women, and he has wondered if he just has sex with another woman once that maybe it would "get it out of his system". I said if you EVER cheat on me you absolutely NEED to tell me, I deserve to know so at the very least I can avoid contracting a sexually transmitted infection, ESPECIALLY since I'm pregnant! He said maybe he's like his old friend who he continued to hang out with for a bit when we first started dating... this friend was 35 years old hanging out with 19-22 year olds (my husband is 33 hanging out with low-mid 20-somethings at work) and this friend ended up cheating on his wife and fell in love with the girl (who knew he was married and had a family) and they ended up getting married... and my husband last night suggested that maybe that it was meant to be!!! I mean this is seriously messing with my head!!!!! I asked him if he thinks that it's "meant to be" for him to cheat on me and end our marriage and leave me to be a single mother and he started to outright cry, saying he doesn't know what to think. It hurts me to see him struggle so badly but I can't keep holding it together much longer.

I scheduled marriage counseling for about 10 days from now but now I don't even know if he can make it that long! I work long hours so there are huge windows of time where he could do anything and I would have no idea! It is just terrible too because I know it's somebody at work... I love him with all my heart and I want to get through this but if he cheats on me then I'm done, but now I don't know what to do because he has a freaking plan where he could get away with cheating and I wouldn't be the wiser! And of all times for this to happen it has to happen now when I'm 6 months pregnant, I mean seriously?!?!?!?! And I know I've done nothing wrong, he says that too, so if we end up divorcing the guilt will certainly be on him. I just cannot be with somebody who can't love me and accept me for who I am, I deserve so much better than that, and so does our unborn child!

Does anybody know what to make of all this??? I just feel awful that we're bringing an innocent child into this world and he decides to freak out now of all times. Thank you for taking the time to read this.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:39 AM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!