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Hi all!
I am a penpal to a first love I had about twenty plus years ago... and....
I write back and forth with him on emails.. about stuff...He recently answered a question for me about when he used to be "controlling". He says that it was true that he USED to be that way..and with me..but, he is no longer like this and was not like this in his other relationships! (Is this a way for him to say "I am STILL controlling" and I am pushing this right back onto you, and I am in huge denial??) I read that guys who control are like this.. what do you think?

I am only a penpal with him..I am married and happy but, I wanted to be connected in a positive way to some of my ex boyfriend's just as a friend nothing more! I still like them as human beings!


Thanks

nightowl2 :confused: :confused: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
I think it's kind of pointless to try to figure out why or whether he still is or is not controlling. If you want to be pen pals then whatever but you should keep the topics light and neutral like talking about your family and what's happening now. It doesn't serve any purpose to keep trying to figure out the motivations of people from that long ago. You'd hope he would have changed by now but even if he hasn't then it doesn't really matter cause he is just a pen pal and has no influence on your life anymore so just let it go.
The good thing about penpals, they do not get the chance to control you unless you allow them to.

I would have to question why it is so important to maintain relationships with those whom you have a negative history with. Being happily married is something of great value, while penpaling with a control freak seems to only promise problems at some point. I would not chance it.

I would use the time you would spending emaing this man by doing something kind for your husband. I imagine the rewards will be a better investment.

Wishing you the best..
Actually I am now NOT being his friend anymore... just a contact..we have mutual friends.. I basically let him know that we are too different to be friends.. it is NOT meshing... He seems "bothered" by me..so, I am not really wanting to write to him anymore! It's a good thing to stop! Phew!!
[QUOTE=nightowl2;5149552]Actually I am now NOT being his friend anymore... just a contact..we have mutual friends.. I basically let him know that we are too different to be friends.. it is NOT meshing... He seems "bothered" by me..so, I am not really wanting to write to him anymore! It's a good thing to stop! Phew!![/QUOTE]

good for you....he's probably bothered by his inability to control you anymore.....he hasn't changed....there is no need to talk to him





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