It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I've been reading these threads for a while and have come to realise that there are SO many others out there in the same boat as me. I've had it with her.

We've been together for 17 years, married for 15. Three kids 13, 8 and 6. Looking back on it now, she's treated me like dirt since Day 1. She has no respect for anyone, least of all me. She never has a nice word to say about anyone and considers herself morally superior to everyone.

When we first started dating, she told me one night that in her past, she'd had an abortion. Turns out she'd never had an abortion, and the whole tale was to win some sort of bet with her housemate, that I wouldn't dump her when she told me. ??? These days she denies the whole thing ever happened, and the entire thing is in my head. Yeah right.

She once told me "Why have a dog and bark yourself"? She was referring to her getting me to perform some menial task for her. Little did I know at the time that that little phrase would turn out to be her life's Mantra.

Other all time classic stunts of hers include inviting her ex boyfriend to come away on holidays with her and her sister (while I was away at work on an oil rig for a month), and sharing hotel rooms with another married man because they were away playing sport together. Because of the sharing rooms incident, an anonymous text was sent to me asking if this guy was still banging my wife, then the text went to all her contacts stating that she WAS banging this guy. Great! And to top it all off, she accused ME of being the one who sent the texts!!!

When we got married, we went to live in the UK and ended up staying there for 5 years. We lived 2 blocks away from her parents, and she spent every single waking hour of those 5 years at her parents' house. My eldest daughter was literally raised by my mother in law and sister in law - she was usually asleep by the time my wife came "home" for the night. It was during this time (about 3 years into the marriage) that she decided that taking her ex boyfriend away on holidays with her was a good idea. I got told that she was trustworthy so I shouldn't have an issue with it. Put up or shut up. Nothing will go on, I'm being paranoid. I know her father tore strips off her about it but she won't admit that to me even to this day.

The result of all this was that I had an affair about 5 years into the marriage. I'm not proud of it and I'm not trying to justify it, I'm just explaining why it happened. I was in a new country, all alone and my new wife wasn't interested in me in the slightest - she'd rather be at mummy's house or out with her mates, all of which were male I may add. We had only the one child at the time, but have gone on to have two others since my affair. I was away at work half the time but when I was home, I never saw much of either my wife or daughter unless I went to the in laws.

When it suits her, she'll use the affair as her "go to" excuse. When I point out to her that her nasty acts stretch back to way before we were married, (and before I had an affair), she just denies they never happened and it's all in my head. Like the abortion story - all in my head according to her.

I know for a fact she hasn't done "anything" with anyone, but she's missing my point totally - (a) if she had ANY respect for me whatsoever then she wouldn't have ever thought that the things she does were a good idea in the first place, and (b) she refuses to understand how her actions make me feel, or simply doesn't care.

Her latest one is to come home from work one evening to tell me the "hilarious" story of this guy at work who announced in front of the entire staff that "this is a woman he'd love to bang, but he knows he'll never get the chance". Why did she feel the need to tell me stuff like that? Now fast forward a few months and this guy will be in town, and she's invited him and his mates to stay in our home. Not likely!! Now of course this is the cause of our most recent arguments.

I do everything about the house - cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, making the kids school lunches, the school run. I have to cut corners at work in order to pick them up some afternoons. I earn good money, BIG money but it's never enough. I bought a new, bigger family home for us in a new city (now that I'm based locally and not travelling any more), and I got accused of being a "Big time Charlie", and showing off to friends and family. All those years of blood, sweat and tears, and this is how she thanks me? She once told me "We've got nothing". I won't go into what we have but believe me, we've got a lot more than nothing but how do you think that made me feel?

She'll never be happy no matter how hard I try, I'm convinced of that. As so many on here have said already, I'd rather be broke and happy than to live like this.

I've gone without so much for the last 15 years of my life, usually in oilfields in order to provide my family with the best of everything, and that's the thanks I get? Al the times I've arrived home from work, I haven't seen my wife and kids for a month or more, and every single time I would sneak into our bedroom to be greeted with "shhh shut the door, leave me alone I'm tired". Why do I bother? The dogs were always glad to see me if that was any sort of consolation.

AS far as parenting skills go, she has ZERO. Not a clue. Her idea of discipline is to shout as loud as you can at them for 10 minutes, then give in to whatever it is they were demanding just in order to get some peace and quiet. She continually complains about her sore back, yet still allows our 6 year old to sleep in our bed? The kids have no respect for anyone, just like her. I feel like I'm constantly pulling in different directions with her as far as the kids are concerned. I come home and get them almost in line, then go away just in time for her to take over and undo all my good work.

She can't cook and refuses to learn. Take it out of a box and heat it in the microwave is the answer. The kids won't eat the slop she dishes up.

I had to beg for sex on my wedding night, and it's been the same ever since. Normally it's once per fortnight but this latest drought has seen me get one in the past 2 months. It's all my fault, she doesn't want sex because I had an affair. She doesn't like it when I point out that the affair would never have happened in the first place if she had ever made me feel like she loved me.

She's tired, she's sore, we had sex 4 days ago and I want it AGAIN?. Whatever excuses she can think of to get out of it. She'll use sex as a bargaining tool - do X, Y, Z for her and she'll let me have sex with her. Usually I'll do X, Y, Z but then she'll "change her mind" or use one of her multitude of excuses. She'll change her mind at the VERY last moment - she's done that to me on 5 different occasions. She never initiates sex, I could count on one hand the number of times she's initiated sex in the past 17 years. When we finally do have sex, she just lays there. It's always the same, no kissing, just "hurry up".

Why do I bother with her at all?

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:35 PM.

© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!