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Hi Everyone,

Never in my life have i reached out to anyone like this so bare with me please...and im not the best at typing so i hope this is makes sense.

Im a 32 yr old male, i was in a monogamous relationship from 2000-2010 i met my current girlfriend Dec 2011 we hit it off right away and have been together ever since but it has been an unhealthy battle for both of us. Now she has more dating experience than i do since i was in such a lengthy relationship but i knew right away that she had some type of past history that i didn't know about. She would change moods alot argue over stuff as small as a glass of water, i wouldn't call them drastic mood changes by any means more like would get crank easily. As time went on i met her family who are nice people, but there was always alot of drama surrounding her family, murders of uncles, overdose of boyfriends of siblings alot of things that i know go on every day but ive never been so close too. It seemed like this poor girl seen way to much or has been around way to much at such a young age, and i always would say something wasnt right but she never opened up...She told me that her parents used to go away all the time when they were in highschool and she would be home alone. There is so much more but in the beginning of this relationship she would also say how she was going to save me from my previous relationship and show me how love is suppose to be and things were great for a while. I felt great i felt loved, she seemed happy, then its slowly started..turns out i think she is the one that needed saving the whole time she told me two days ago she was raped by 2 guys at 17yrs old, that drugged her or put something in her drink :( then she says recently like the past 6 month she has been bulimic. She has stayed here in my home but is always bouncing back and forth between he parents kicking her out to us arguing and he running back there, this is very very unhealthy and i always felt i can help her but she always runs back to what i know is an unhealthy environment. She told me shes always afraid she is going to run into these guys when she is down there, she admits its been incredibly hard to finally let this out and to hold it in for so long....now i dont plan on going anywhere, more than ever i want to be here for her and help her threw this. i dont know where to begin, im not a guy who cries and since i found this out i dont go very long without welling up. i cant imagine what this poor girl has gone threw. Now we spent last night together and some of today we spoke alot, cried it seemed like positive time together and a step towards healing...

My real question is and i dont know if this can be answered but, i knew that something was up, and now it all makes sense to me. But will the realtionship ever become stable? i think realizing this and opening up is definitely a start.
I think I know where you are coming from. You feel insecure. You are wondering what will come next. What will the new revelation be like? You are also wondering if she told you the whole truth. Was she really raped or what? Yes, I agree that is a heavy burden for you to handle. Not so much for the past - after all we all have a past, too - but especially for the cranky way she is behaving now! Look at her again and try to answer these questions: does she care about her life? can she hold a job? is she diligent in her studies? does she keep her word? is she dependable? You may not get the absolutely right answers, but you need answers from your gut, so to speak, so you know where you stand or if you have to move on. If you stay with her, I was thinking maybe some counseling would be helpful. If she says no, that would be a bad omen, in my opinion.
[QUOTE=pendulum;5155053]I think I know where you are coming from. You feel insecure. You are wondering what will come next. What will the new revelation be like? You are also wondering if she told you the whole truth. Was she really raped or what? Yes, I agree that is a heavy burden for you to handle. Not so much for the past - after all we all have a past, too - but especially for the cranky way she is behaving now! Look at her again and try to answer these questions: does she care about her life? can she hold a job? is she diligent in her studies? does she keep her word? is she dependable? You may not get the absolutely right answers, but you need answers from your gut, so to speak, so you know where you stand or if you have to move on. If you stay with her, I was thinking maybe some counseling would be helpful. If she says no, that would be a bad omen, in my opinion.[/QUOTE]

Well she actually brought up counseling on her own and would like it if i joined some sessions with her. She is also very dependable has held the same job for years, college degree. She does care about her life but she definitely doesn't always make the best decisions i feel. I just surprised her with a cruise for the end of april to hopefully allow us both to but the craziness of our daily routine on pause for a week and allow us to have some good quality time together in hope it helps a lil bit..
to answer your question.....no I don't think this relationship can ever be a healthy one
I would say that she sound's rather immature and insecure.
You on the other hand are trying your best to help her along and showing her kindness.
Patience does pay of in many circumstances, and I would give her a little longer if I was you, maybe the trip away will give you both time to sort yourselve's out I wish you both well,

Solofelix.
With counseling and a lot of work on her part, she can learn to have a stable, responsible relationship. Whether that will be with you, no one knows. But going with her sometimes and allowing her to go by herself most of the time will go a long way. She needs support, but a lot of this is something she MUST work out for herself. You should be there for her, but not smother her. Don't ask her questions, don't pry about what she talks to the counselor about, and don't judge her - good or bad.





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