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Ex Troubles
Apr 22, 2013
Hi so I shall give you a little background information..

I was with my ex for around a year and a half and it was a very heated, passionate relationship. While in some ways this was a good thing as we were very much in love it made our arguments horrific and he was very temperamental. He was quite unstable and unsure of what he wanted and on several occasions he would break up with me. We wouldn't talk for days and then he would come crawling back but in this space he would have had several girls on his phone, chatting and texting but only ever once did he sleep with someone else. I came out of this relationship very hurt and empty and I thought I would never get through it. I became a person I really didn't like, needy, possessive and pathetic where I'd be standing at his door crying for him to not break up (I know- pathetic). In hind sight I can see how ridiculous this was, and how obsessive the relationship became, in both aspects. It was very unhealthy but things ended on a rather funny note. We just stopped talking, nothing was resolved and I feel no closure was given. However he disappeared off the face of the earth and I managed to be happy without him and I met someone else.

He was an old friend and someone who I had always had a little spark for from a teenager. We have now been together for over a year and though the odd though about my ex has cropped up (I wonder what he is upto etc) it was nothing serious. Now my ex seems to be back on the scene going out a lot with mutual friends so he is all over my facebook newsfeeds and I know there is a wedding in summer which I am going with my boyfriend where I know my ex will be there. This will be the first time in a year and a half that I will see him. And all of a sudden my mind is racing with thoughts of him. My friend recently turned to me and said 'oh have you seen (insert name here) recently he looks good'.. which I felt to have been so inappropriate and damn right hurtful. I love my current boyfriend, the relationship is nothing like the last and it may not be as passionate but it means we get on, we are comfortable and we trust eachother with everything. I feel safe with him. Its not that I miss my ex, I look at him now and think my life is so different, I am so different and I genuinely don't see myself having a life with him, it would just be impossible I could never trust him and tbh I feel he is arrogant and just not what I want. So why then all these thoughts? I am having so many what ifs! What if I still love him? What if my current boyfriend is just a very long rebound relationship? Do I love my ex more? and I am comparing the relationships. I feel sick to my stomach to be feeling this way as I would never ever want to hurt my boyfriend. But am I being unfair to him? Im scared to see my ex and all these unanswered questions come flooding back. I never got any closure and I just feel so lost & upset. I thought I was over it! I see a life with my current boyfriend, a safe, content and happy one, so why all this? I don't want to even give my ex the satisfaction of me thinking of him!

Please help, am I a horrible person?

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