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I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with this break up, usually I'm pretty strong minded but I have never felt like this before, can't sleep can't eat the is a hole in my gut that churns and when it does I can't breathe it feels like someone is pulling the air out of my chest.

I met my ex girlfriend now 3 years ago and we went trough a very hard time with my ex wife she would stalk us when we first met she would call and text over and over again until late times of the night. But it was ok because I had my girlfriend there with me keep me strong and alway very supportive she was my rock it got bad for a time where my ex wife would drive around my apparent to see if I was there she got so bad as to call my girlfriends house and pretend to be one of her friends so she could get the address where we were at.

She even went as far as faking to run her over.which got my girlfriend a restraining order. Unfortunately I didn't have any custody of my kids so I was afraid that she would do something to keep them away. The biggest mistake I made for my current relationship because it was essentially the reason amongst others why she broke up with me but the most regretful one.

After a while things got a little better but not by much it seemed like we always had bad luck either I had a good job or she did but not both. We strived and continued on having a great time with most things.

She is very pretty and keeps herself fit so being an idiot I was jealous of stupid things like her taking crazy high heels to work when she could work comfortably.

At a point she wanted a big dog and the opportunity arrived from one of my friends that had a litter of some amazing dogs Kane corso this majestic dog is a beauty so I arranged for my friend to et me the dog on work promise for their business. The only problem was that where I lived they didn't allow dogs. So I moved us to what was readily available which worked but it was a shack with a large yard.
Meanwhile we planned to purchase a home with the help and the credit of her dad I pulled everyone of my resources to make this happen. It took me a year and a half of looking and calling on my breaks and lunches while I had a job to make it happen. But meanwhile it all she got a DUI and I continued to go to country for custody of my kids and child support just a lot of problems rolled in to one. We would joke and tell each other that it would got better. At the same time at the shack we lived in the sink would overflow all the time and the carpet got maggots from it being so hot it w miserable trying to deal with this and everything else with just a hope of living at the house that the bank would not let go.

Finally we got the ok for the bank but now they needed her father to sign even though we had gotten a port of attorney specific for that home we had to have him come back from Thailand where he was vacationing after retiring. But we got the house a house with a yard garage and a rental unit that would almost pay most of the mortgage.

But her dad stayed over for more than five months and it was weird. We couldn't really enjoy what we just had because she has always been pretty afraid of him just a person that doesn't like anyone and only cared about getting back to his vacation.

He left a couple months ago but I noticed a different attitude on my girlfriend I couldn't pin point it but she was being short and meant to the girls and just not taking to them otherwise, she also started to give me pecks and then side pecks.
We would still have sex and enjoy it but something was missing. All trough this process I asked her if she was happy if this was The right thing we were doing.

After a while she was ordered by the court to wear and anklet instead of unpaid work but she was under house arrest. Well at this time before getting that on she started wearing very sexy clothes to work and very high heels and not normal ones like the super high ones and me with my dumb *** jealousy I questioned probably not in the best tone and just kept pushing not believing the response she would give. I know I should have been more patient but I couldn't help it. She decide it wasn't working out and she had been loosing interest for months and that she didn't want to have any kids with me because of my kids.
That broke my heart. I tried to back things up to have her give me a chance but she kept saying that she didn't think there was enough love from her side to make it work.

Now I'm heartbroken I have anxiety everyday and I'm afraid to fall in to depression I have my two beautiful daughters and I don't feel like doing anything with them or anyone else it hurts every time I breathe it hurts every time I think about anything we used to do. Worst of it all is that I don have anywhere to go until the end of the moth and I'm dying every time I see that she is going on with her life like if i was just a fling. She told me that people break up all the time and that no one makes long term plans with relationships which I do.

I miss her terribly at all times I need help on how to handle this feelings I feel anger because I feel taken advantage of I feel sad cause I won't do the things we used to I feel jealousy because she will find someone else ideal like I'm old and like no one will want to deal with all of the problems my life has. I'm lost and need help.

Sorry for all the detail but I wanted to paint a good picture.

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