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May 20, 2013
my boyfriend and I are both 40, I'm divorced once and he's divorced twice. On the whole we are very compatible, we spend 5 or 6 days a week living together, Its normal, fun, just like a couple who have been married for years. We have the same likes and dislikes, and communicating is just so easy as we even think alike. I fell in love with him after about 8 months. However, He keeps saying he wants to love me but just doesn't?says he cares for me, has feelings for me, misses me when i'm not about, and repeatedly says everything between us is right in every way, but he just hasn't got that feeling, the feeling he felt when he met his exes, which he wants to find again. I know i should have left the first time he said it, I was silly to keep going, but I did. Anyway after that he has been distracted on times, he doesn't go out looking for someone else but if some one shows him interest he will flirt, swap numbers and text. he even arranged dates until i caught him out. he is always sorry and wants to work it out and wait and hope that the feeling will come ( he suffers bad anxiety, worry and depression and drinks very heavily to black out his feelings) I've always blamed the drink and been patient, but I just know know its not going to just happen.
He has been in touch with an ex gf, (the only other person he says he loved other than his wives) since before christmas, i think its just texting but i noticed a while ago he had told her that he loved her and if she needed him he would be there for her practically this time not just words. I'm really sad over this as I feel being in touch with exes in this way is not really the best thing for us considering the circumstances, and he is keeping it secret from me which tells me its something more. Things came to a head this week when I was at my friends, he was supposed to be with his but he missed me loads, talked about future, was so lovely and keen for me to get back so i came back a day early expecting a lovely emotional reunion, but it was nothing, he was really distant. I caught him texting the ex, she had been in contact. we talked and he said he doesn't want to get back with her, he wants to love me as we more right for each other than anyone he has been with. I find this quite odd, and I feel like im being used now as he obviously knows what love feels like and her contact must make him resent me and make him feel trapped. we decided its best to split up as i am not happy with his commitment to us, he is too easily distracted in his search for love i think! And he's not happy as he wants to feel the butterflies. I didn't feel them when i met or fell for him, the love developed in a 'real' love kind of way for me. friends say love is different as you get older, I wondered if he would ever see it that way or do you think he is still not over his ex so is emotionally unavailable? or doesn't want to let himself fall naturally? It feels odd that his ways and body language are showing me he does love me but his mind tells him no.

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