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I have been dating him for 8 months and I love him. Our relationship is nearly perfect, but he gets angry at the littlest things. He is not physical with me at all but he is verbal. He calls me harsh names when he gets mad. I could never imagine saying the things to him that he says to me. Because I wouldn't want to hurt him. He has self esteem issues so I don't think that help with the problem. He says he will stop and he's trying but sometimes he just gets out of control and his words can really hurt me. Please help. What should I do?
My short answer is leave him. His abuse issue is his own problem.
There are some people who tolerate this verbal abuse situation and nothing happens to them physically. However, it is mind control and the value thing. The abusive people are telling you it is OK to talk like that and you accept it... You may feel you are tolerant but somehow subconsciously your mind will be degraded by the bad words. You would feel low inside without really knowing about it.
In the old times, the women tolerated it and even educated the kids to be like that. The whole family would live with verbal abuse and think it is OK. Today, it is new era and verbal abuse is not right in the family anymore. The society always has some people who are abusive verbally like the boss or the teacher...
To me, a family cannot have such verbal abuse as I have seen it myself. A verbally abusive person would make you think his thoughts are OK and that he can say anything to you but you cannot to him. It looks like his anger but it is actually his value system - he is trying to make you see his way only.

Take care,
Nina
I would also advise you to leave him, but you say - in his favour - that he says he will stop and he is trying, which means he recognizes the problem... My questions are: what is he actually doing to stop this? Is he in therapy or something? Can you see any improvements? Is he really trying hard to change? Not only for you, but also for himself, for anger attacks, you know, will chase everybody away from him - friends, coworkers, partners, lovers...





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