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Hi all

Thanks for all of your messages. I have spoken, or tried, to mom and she does not wish to change her behaviour and sees no need and was defensive and sees me as just trying to argue with her all the time. Another time I brought it up, she assumed adults do not need hugs or affection - even though I have seen they do need it for health and some naturally do it as the bond is right, so would benefit me and mom, particularly as she has high blood pressure and it is apparently good for this and could help her lower it naturally which would be great, especially as she comments that she does not want to take medications for it but might have to.

I am sad to hear she is unwelcoming to listening to something that may benefit her, which I have told her but she does not listen. I cannot seem to reason with her. I have tried hugging her but it does not always come naturally to me as I am not given them and feel awkward as if I am not allowed to do it and she might not want it. I also find it hard to do as she does not give me them so feel I should not.

I suppose I will have to find a nice guy who is affectionate to replace those that are not. This is the only way forward I can see. Unless anyone has better suggestions, which might be likely as my head is just frazzled from trying but not succeeding. It is like constantly banging my head against a brick wall, nothing ever happens or changes.

My dad very occasionally hugs me, my sister and mom but not very often. However, he has trouble being empathetic and has been unempathetic with me and my illness quite a few times so really unfortunately me and him do not have what I would call a great relationship. We can have days where all we say is 'hi' to each other for days but nothing else. He is the same for the rest of the family, not just me.

My mom has always been like this since I was a teenager and that is when I started feeling unloved and lonely and wondered what I had done as I do not do drugs, etc, never have done or go on benders. I never gave them trouble as a teen, always being in the house not staying out late, etc. I just do not understand what happened and why affection was broken off but I do not really get a straight answer.

I know that none of my family are great at showing affection and sadly I am not as a result and it does bother me as I do not feel others will like me or a partner will not stay with me for long due to not giving them affection. I do not know how and feel awkward to say 'I love you'. I would like to be more affectionate and to receive it in return, not just have one-sided relationships.

Many thanks for all of your help. It's much appreciated and I'm sorry for such a late reply.

Kind regards

Frayed





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