It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

[QUOTE=mugwump;5233869]I was like you, but I got over it (at age 30), and that was over a decade ago. I'm now regretting having an unexciting past. You need to get over your insecurities or life will pass you by. Don't have pity parties or believe that you are a victim because that keeps you stuck. Quit telling yourself that women are powerful. Many women have low self esteem. You keep coming up with excuses to not take chances (like about the dancing suggestion). I think at this point, you need any kind of experience you can get, even if it's embarrassing or not with the kind of person you ultimately want to wind up with. I know it's hard because you feel like everyone else has experience and you don't, and it makes you feel like a freak of nature. But there are more people like you out there than you think. Society likes to act like everyone loses their virginity at age 16 and that is not the case. I think you need to lower your expectations, just find anyone to form a connection with, however brief it may be. If you have no experience, any experience will help you build up a "relationship resume" so to speak. So, instead of thinking of finding a wife or a sex partner, think of just getting coffee, or attempting to hold hands or kiss someone. You're putting alot of pressure on yourself. At some point you have to just be willing to try, even if it doesn't work out and you have to try again, because then you are at least getting somewhere. Also, being nice does not seem real to other people. You probably are more afraid, passive, and polite than nice. Real people have baggage, like you, but their baggage may be in a different area. You need to be more real or vulnerable, like you are on here, than nice, in order to form a connection. Stop comparing yourself to others. I think you need to just chat up someone on the internet, blab your whole story at some point, like you did here, and see what happens. I know from experience you can attend classes in the hopes of meeting someone and not talk to a soul. So I don't think you're going to have luck in person because it takes skill, unless it's something you're really interested in and can be yourself. I say keep trying the internet, in order to find people. You can make more progress faster than even speed dating in person. And certainly you can try therapy to get rid of some of the beliefs you have that are getting in your way. But you're not a lost cause yet so don't give up on yourself. Another idea is to form a support group of adult virgins or socially anxious adults and get used to talking to people that way.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for so much good advice. It surprises me how many things you know that i do, like not being real with people, comes from social anxiety that I only got over 5 years ago. Example how bad it was: I didn't go into a store by myself until I was 20, didn't drive till I was 24, made my first friend a year ago and still haven't invited them anywhere for fun. I could go on and on about how I was a prisoner and slave to my own thoughts and assumptions.

I never thought I was being too hard on myself, I thought I was not hard enough on myself, but what you say makes sense. Basically what you say is, that instead of reading dating guides and relationship stuff, I should try my best to just go up to women and try to have fun, like I do when I talk and joke with people I know. Since all the "dating disasters", I've come to associate talking to women with fear and embarrassment. I think a beautiful woman could actually make me faint from fear. I have to associate women my age with fun instead of misery and fear. I had several speed dating horror shows. I've posted my problem on many sites, a few people gave me good advice, most used my problems to make jokes, many said that I'd be better off not ever having a girlfriend. I just want to have a friend that happens to be female.

I think i can apply what i learned, but I have to place myself where women actually talk, not where I usually see women, in stores and malls. My only success with females came in 6th grade. We had this class called Technology. I was assigned a partner for the station to learn about radio, the partner I got was a girl. This girl was not really pretty and a bit overweight, but we had so much fun, we were supposed to record us practicing announcing but we had so much fun. It was the first time I actually looked forward to school. Unfortunately, when the assignment was over, I didn't ask her out because of fear and not knowing what to do. I asked my parents but they didn't know what I should do, probably because they only dated each other, never anyone else. If I asked that girl out my life would probably be different, she wasn't a popular girl and was quiet, probably didn't have a boyfriend. Man we just clicked, I brought out the best in her and she brought out the best in me. Maybe I can draw from this experience from almost 20 years ago.

I don't even remember her name, it was a really plain name I think.

Thanks for everyone for putting in time to help me, especially mugwump,

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:26 AM.

© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!