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My older sister came to visit me 2 weeks ago (she lives 4 hours away) because she needed to get away from her family. Both her grown-up daughters (my nieces) said nasty things to her and she was very upset. So being the person I am I invited her to come stay with me. Last year in October she also stayed with me and it ended up where we did not get along and she took a taxi back. I needed a day's rest after her staying with me for over 3 weeks and she got upset that I didn't want to do something with her.

I am used to being alone except for when my boyfriend comes over. For most of my life I enjoy being alone. Anyway, she bought me things, paintings, clothes, knick-knacks, etc. which I really did not want and I told her so but she shuts me up so then I get quiet because I don’t want to rock the boat.

My sister married into a very wealthy family so money is not an issue for her.

After she was here about 5 days she told me she was going back home and I didn’t understand why. She told me because I wasn’t showing her enough of the sites and foliage here in the mountains. She said to me that if I took her driving around the state every other day that would make her happy. So I did that.

Never once did she offer to pay for gas. I was hoping she would offer but she never did and I felt embarrassed to come straight out and ask her.

I guess I have a problem being assertive especially when it comes to my sister because I always get scared of how she will react. I just thought to myself when I filled up my gas tank that she would say to me let me pay but that never happened.

Yesterday I wanted to show her a pretty town that was 40 miles each way to see the pretty town and the foliage. She wanted to go into a clothing store and I saw a sweater coat I really liked which fit me for very little money (a consignment shop).

Because I put more gas in my car I didn’t have the extra money to buy this sweater (I have other bills to pay). I knew by the look in her eyes that she also liked this sweater so instead of saying to her that I didn’t have the money I said to her she can have it if she likes and she gladly took it.

Again, I should have said that I spend my money on gas but I didn’t.

After that shop where she bought many clothes she went into another store and spent over $5000.00 on clothes. I thought to myself great, if that is what makes her happy then good for her. I know she has a loveless marriage, etc. She made a remark to me that when her husband (my bil) sees the bill that she will tell him that's her anniversary present.

The year before she bought me paintings from a local artist to decorate my apartment which I thought was nice. Afterward, all she kept talking about was one of the paintings. Even though I loved this painting I thought it would be nice if I gave it to her which I did. She took it so fast that I was amazed. Even though it’s a material thing I now regret giving it to her.

Last night something happened that really surprised me. She became friendly with my neighbor from her last visit who is married with 4 children. I am also very friendly with this same neighbor. They don’t handle their money very well and I have noticed once that their electric has been shut off and many times they don’t have heat in the winter.

I have been teaching my neighbor how to drive so she could get her license and get a job as well as putting her 4 year old in daycare.

Well my neighbor kept calling my sister yesterday and when we returned home last night my neighbor wanted to take a walk alone with my sister. I thought nothing of it as they developed their own special relationship.

As soon as my sister walked in alone she said to me “you won’t believe this”. So I enquired to what happened. She told me that my neighbor made her promise not to tell me but my sister is telling me anyway. My neighbor told my sister that their electric would be shut off today and asked my sister for $250.00. My sister gave her $400.00.

I was upset as I am not doing well financially and my sister knows this and I could have used the money. I have my own small business and I have been suffering. After I calmed down I explained to my sister that the state has programs to help families in my neighbor’s situation. Then she said to me “what do you want me to do? Go over there and ask for the money back?”. I didn't answer. So that started the tension.

I just wish she didn’t tell me. What I don’t know doesn’t hurt me.

When we woke up this morning after I made us coffee (she never makes coffee), I said to her that I wanted to ask her a question so I asked her why didn’t she offer to put gas in my car since I drove her around to see the sites. Her response was she didn’t think about it.

She is leaving tomorrow morning and I did try talking to her but she became very defensive and insulted me.

What also surprised me was when we had words after she was here for 5 days she said to me that I was really intelligent, that I was perfect, etc. My sister is 60 years old and I really thought she had built up her self-esteem but after her words I am guessing she still suffers from low esteem.

I really don't understand what happened and why she had to tell me that she gave my neighbor this money. I had always thought that family came first but I didn't ask her for money except for why she didn't offer to pay for all the gas I used to show her a good time.

Any thoughts?

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