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Relationship Health Message Board


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I just realized that I never elaborated when I said thats when things went wrong. When we moved in together without roommates it all changed. we no longer had other people to fill in the gaps. We were never alone to just talk one on one. as a group it seems we got along great but when it was just us I quickly realized we dont have anything to talk about and when we did we never agreed on anything. which doesnt really bother me because I cant expect someone to be just like me. but he makes me feel like my opinions are not valid because they arent the way he sees it should be. idk..I find myself trying to avoid conversing with him because all it does is upset me and frustrates me. and when he talks to me he has a look on his face like hes better than me that I never noticed before because he didnt act like that around other people. hes not the person I thought he was..more so since we had kids. He has always prided himself on being a stand up respectable guy and everyone else thinks he is too and from the outside he would appear to be. but they dont see they way he talks to me. except my mom. she is the first person to point it out to me because I never noticed it before. I was oblivious I thought it was just me doing something wrong.
And as far as him wanting me to be a certain way, he basically wants me to be like his mother. She was a stay at home mom of 3 as well. But by choice, she likes to cook and clean and it comes naturally to her, thats the way she was raised. me on the other hand, not so much, I come from a wealthy family where most of the money was made by my mother. My step dad owned his own business and worked as well but he came home and did the dishes and made dinner or we would go out to eat. and aside from my chores my parents would just hire someone to come clean and do yard work. and thats how I was brought up. if you dont want to do it make sure you are making enough money to hire someone to do it. and for me im not a neat freak and I dont stress out if something is out of place ( although now I do because im afraid im going to get on to) I have done things to make money from home so I dont ever have to ask him for money as I feel im not entitled to it so if the kids need clothes or toys I find a way to make the money to buy it..and I have even told him I would rather work and pay someone to clean the house than to have to do it myself. I feel like its my life and if I dont want to clean when I could have someone else do it why not. but he refuses to let anyone come to the house and clean. I also feel that if hes that bent out of shape about the house that he should do it himself since he is the only one bothered by certain things.. and im probably making it sound like our house is disgusting and its not. I sweep and mop, steam clean the floors when they start getting dirty, I clean the fans regularly, basically I keep up with the major cleaning but it the kid clutter and dishes that get to him. and those are the things I have the hardest time keeping up with. and I also feel would be cut back if I had a job and the kids werent home all day getting in to things and dragging toys everywhere. I would rather play with the kids and their toys rather than doing the dishes (partly because im hardwired not to because my dad did them so sometimes if they havent been done for a day or two i will realize they arent getting done and I will do them but he will usually come home and do them which will lead to an argument about what I do all day). ok I feel like im rambling. but basically we come from two totally different backgrounds and ive tried changing to be what he wants but its hard for me to keep up the act since its so against the grain for me. sometimes i feel like im being an ungrateful brat and should just ignore the kids and get the house work done but after a few days I feel guilty ignore the kids and actually find I have more work to do because the kids will be doing something like coloring on the walls in the other room while im cleaning.
oh yea and he has said that he wishes I was like I was when we were first together but no matter how I try to explain to him I just cant be like that anymore. we spent a lot of time being young going to parties and having drinks. well we cant do that anymore. we have kids and cant be out partying anymore and as a result of being home with screaming kids all day by the time he gets home im stressed out and irritated and the last thing I want to do is try and entertain yet another person. I just feel overwhelmed trying to keep up with housework cooking and keeping 4 other people happy all the time..im finally starting to get where I have my kids happy but I definitely find that I neglect him and of course myself. im exhausted.





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