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Am I Being Stupid?
Nov 21, 2013
Hi Everyone!

Okay, my fiancÚ and I have been struggling to spend as much time together as possible, because he leaves for basic training in August of 2014.
I currently live with my father, so I don't see my fiance every day, I only see him on the weekends. We spent every weekend together up until two weeks ago, because Wrestling season has started up, and he's a varsity wrestler.

He wrestles every thursday, sometimes friday, and every saturday. He practices until 5:30 every day. He works every friday until 11pm, and every sundayat 9:45 am. So the only day we have together is Saturday.
Well I was schedule to work all week and all weekend, so I can't see him.

He came and picked me up from work last night, the first time i've seen him in a week, and he decided to tell me he was out with his friends this week, after practice, and before heading home. This upset me. he said it was no more than 15 minutes, they just met up and ate and left. This hurts me because he tells me he can't come see me after practice , and such. I told him how I felt, and he told me I never ask him to come see me, which is a lie. I beg him from time to time, but he says he can't.

Am I just being ridiculous?

And also, when my fiance posts pictures of himself in uniform, all decked out in his ACU's that he purchased, I get extremely angry/jealous to the point where I take it out on him. And he always brags about being in the army, but he hasn't even SERVED! So I feel like he's being very ridiculous. He gets upset when I point this out, and says I'm making him feel bad. I can't help it! He's acting like he did something and the world owes him, sometimes. It bothers me.
I hate when he posts pictures, and goes to school in his uniform, and all camo. I'm proud that he's going, and proud he wants that to be a career, but I feel like he wants everyone to know, including girls. On instagram, maybe 10 guyes follow him, the rest are girls. I know he loves me and he wouldn't try anything. But I hate that he does this. Why do I hate it? WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY!

Thank you!
Oh, I am at a loss for words....

Now let me try to say what I mean.

This is not just about jealousy. I think you are beginning to doubt or to question whether your boyfriend is really the mature man for you.

He probably needs a lot of self-validation until he is ready for a romantic relationship.

My two cents.
Sorry, I can't see things your way. I think it's great that he is proud to wear his uniform and that he has made the commitment to serve. I never look down on those who give of themselves to join our US military because they have earned the right to be proud for what they have given up in order to serve. I think you should lighten up and be proud of him. Military service is the most selfless and noble of all professions because those people are keeping you, me, and our families and friends safe from the people who keep trying to kill us. Give the guy a break.

It sounds like, unless I misunderstood, he met you after work, and that was after he already met with his friends. So if you were at work anyway during that time he was with his friends then he couldn't have hung out with you anyway? Or did I misunderstand what you are saying? Either way, it sounds like you're both busy, him especially if he is shipping off to Basic training next summer. I think you just need to find time when you can and don't get so upset about it. Circumstances are such that you guys will have to sacrifice some together time because you both have a lot going on. It happens!
Hi, your question is why do you feel this way?........I believe you feel minimalized when he shares his life with others which is ok but he really loves you so just give him the benefit of the doubt and know that you are really the center of his life.....
It seems to me that all this stuff is coming from a place of deep separation anxiety. Your anguish at him "wasting" time you could have spent together; your resentment of his military uniform both point to fear of him being gone. I think this is a reasonable state; you are sort of missing him in advance, and your feelings and fears are what they are. Be open to him about this and don't come down too heavy on him - it is your issue for you to deal with. Think about it, cheers, Sera
Former military here.

I'm guessing he has uniforms because of ROTC? I think it's a little lame of him to try and get all that attention before he's even passed boot camp yet, but that's another story.

It sounds like you have particular needs that aren't being met and you're unhappy. To be honest it's not likely to get better when he joins.. long distance military relationships are very tough, and he'll have way more pictures to post.

I'm not going to say you're right or wrong for feeling the way you do, simply put it's just the way you feel. Maybe you need a guy that will be more sensitive to your relationship preferences. If it makes you insecure of him posting a bunch of uniform pics then maybe you need a guy that will accommodate that preference of yours. Posting one or a couple doesn't seem like a big deal but if it's a bunch then I can see why that would trigger negative feelings in a person. He might not be the kind of guy that is sensitive to that.

If you really love him then do what you can do to try and work it out. Ask him calmly and non-aggressively if he would be willing to not do those things because it makes you feel bad. If he thinks you're being unreasonable then try another method.. find something that distracts you from those thoughts (if possible, I know how hard it can be) or I'd hate to say it, but maybe give him a taste of his own medicine; sometimes it's hard for people to know what you're going through until they go through it themselves.

Hope something in this post is useful, and I hope you feel better soon.





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