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Hello and thank you ahead of time for any comments and advice. I will appreciate any honest advice and am looking for an outside opinion and clear mind as the stress and over thinking is really getting to me and ruining me. Anyway, here it is:

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now, and we have a very close relationship. We trust each other and are very much in love and invested in our relationship. I am concerned about my girlfriend's relationship with an old flame.. When I first started dating my girlfriend, I noticed there was this guy that would always call her. Whenever he would call, she would sigh and ignore his calls right in front of me, so it was obvious to me that she wasn't interested. She explained to me that he's a good friend from childhood that moved across country a couple years ago, and they were very close and even had a little "fling" over summer in high school one year. At the time, they both had feelings for each other. They went back to being just friends, as my girlfriend had a couple boyfriends before she met me. He called very often, to the point that he would call whenever I was with her. I told her it was starting to bother me, so she ended up answering and telling him that he needs to stop calling her. He did, as far as I know, because I didn't see him calling anymore.

Anyway, much time had passed since then. My girlfriend and I moved in together this past August. To say the least, we were very up and down relationship-wise as we were getting accommodated to living with a significant other, which neither of us had done before, never even had roommates. Eventually, we became more comfortable being together 24/7 and smoothed out all the problems we were having. So, about two months after we moved in together, my girlfriend told me that this guy had called her that day and confessed that he still has feelings for her, saying she has always been his ideal girl, he wants to be with her, he loves her, blah blah blah. She told him that she loves him, but not the way she loves me and our relationship and that she would never give up what we have.

I guess the guy saw this as an opportunity to try even harder to get her, because I saw him calling her time and time again after this incident. She would talk to him on the phone, as friends. She told me she felt bad not talking to him for so long when they were good friends for so long and "all he wanted to do was catch up", so they started talking a lot. My girlfriend talking to some guy who had feelings for her really was getting to me, but I knew it wasn't fair to her to make a big deal out of it when she only saw him as a friend and someone to chat with. I stayed quiet about it for a long time, until I found out he was flirting with her a lot as well. Eventually I got upset and told her that she better cut ties with him before something ends up happening...I ended up questioning motives, even though I knew she had no foul intentions.. She assured me that she would never ruin what she has with me, not for anything. She is not one to cheat, and I know this. The phone calls ended for now.

A month or two later, he started calling a lot, AGAIN. She never talked to him on the phone, but he was still always calling again. I thought this was kind of fishy and found out that she started talking to him behind my back "so that I wouldn't get upset over it". I respected that she was thinking of my feelings, or maybe it was an excuse at the time.. I told her that this was not alright and that the secretiveness is not okay. I really began thinking that she might have feelings if she's talking to him, despite knowing how I feel about it. I questioned her, and she began distancing herself. I was pushing her away..this is when our relationship started going downhill. She began to believe I didn't trust her, when it was the guy I didn't trust. She didn't understand that, but then again, I didn't understand why she was talking to him to begin with. (Note I am not a jealous girlfriend has several close guy friends that I have become acquainted with and trust, I do not mind her with them. A guy trying to get with my girlfriend, that is a different story).

She continued talking to him behind my back, and would not give me any kind of reassurance when I asked what was going on, she would just roll her eyes at me. I began to think that I needed answers, so I researched...I know it was wrong, and I am upset with myself for it still, but I began to look at her phone. We fought, and she stopped talking to him for a while again. Some time later, yep, they started talking again. This time, it was much more often, and for longer periods of time, up to 2 or 3 hours every call. This is when I began to worry more, and even found a voicemail from him saying that he thinks it is horrible that she is in a relationship with me, someone who won't let her talk to him, and that he is so much better for her than me, etc etc. Great! So now I find out that she's been talking to him about our problems and is emotionally confined in this guy at this point as well.

I told her that I knew what was going on and what it was doing to me and how I hated it, and she cried and cried at me. She assured me that she never meant to neglect my feelings, and that she would never let anything happen. We began to detest each other and starting fighting nearly every day, being angry at each other, showing hatred. I didn't know why this was happening but I knew it was my fault it had escalated like that. The talking continued behind my back, but less often (only when we would visit at our parents' houses/when I was at work), and the calls were maybe once or twice every other week for a couple hours. I started over thinking to myself a lot at this point. We fought more, and worse than before, and got to the point where we broke each other down and needed to be apart. And after being apart for some time, we both realized how much we are in love with each other, and that we would never give up what we have together. She made it clear to me that she wants to be with me for the long haul, and nothing would come in between our relationship, not even this guy.

We moved back in together and our relationship has been better than ever, ever since. They are still talking behind my back..and I'm sure she knows I know it. But, I don't bring it up to her anymore because I would hate for us to start arguing again. I now know how invested she is in our relationship, so I left it be. I was beginning to notice that my girlfriend stopped acting strange and secretive, so I checked to see what was going on. I looked and there I see their texts. Again, him telling her that he loves her and wants to be with her. He asked her to give him a chance, and her reply was "I love you, but how do I know you and I will have this kind of relationship? How do I know you'll love me like that? You live across the country, I can't just wait for you. And despite how bad we can get, I am in love with him."
..I was not too sure how to feel about her reply.
He told her that he is moving back to our town and wants to see her. She agreed, despite all the other times she denied his requests, and told him that she would like to see him and "go for lunch and spend the day together". Please understand, I do not trust this guy. I believe he is just trying to get some "closure" if you know what I'm saying.. I don't want him to be trying to make moves on her, I don't even want to think of what could happen.

Lately, my girlfriend and I have been very smooth sailing. She has been very loving, nurturing, and sweet towards me these past couple months since we had made up. I hadn't looked at her phone since the previous time, up until a couple weeks ago...a conversation between them, him asking her when he's going to be able to see her and that he will be in town. I wouldn't dare bring it up to her and ruin our happiness.. I feel pathetic for looking at her phone like that, but I couldn't get answers any other way. Part of me feels very secure, knowing that she would not even think about ruining what we have, but there is also a part of me that is very worried about what could happen..I mean they are meeting up like that behind my back. I have not been in any kind of situation quite like this. This girl is the one I want to marry and I need this guy to get out of my relationship! I do not want my insecurities to ruin what love I have.
Either everything is under control and I am over thinking myself to insanity, or something is up!!

I need some honest advice from a 3rd person, please and thank you for reading my story. Bless
QUOTE: Just a thought...I never thought my husband of 15 years would cheat. WRONG. I hate to be lewd, but she should "close-her" mouth/stop talking to him before she can't "close-her" legs to him when he makes his move, and you're left in the cold. I've been there. I know this.

Your relationship can be saved...if she completely ditches the old flame. Ultimatums work. Make her MAKE A phone sweet goodbyes for hours upon end. If you have nothing to hide, you hide nothing. We reconciled our marriage and have now been together for 33 years. I promise you that my husband AIN'T HAVING conversations with other women...even at the drive-thru @ McDonalds. I don't play. QUOTE

Aiden...No offense, but folks who know me know that if they ask me what I think, I'm going to tell them what I think...NOT NECESSARILY what they want to hear. My pastor says (and I agree) that a "committed (he means married) man or woman should not be "close friends" with a person of the opposite sex...ever. They should never have private conversations or meetings outside of a group setting. The temptation is there, when even 1 of the 2 has feelings.

YOU ARE FOOLING YOURSELF by blindly trusting ANYONE. I don't want to hurt you with my words, but you reached out...I wouldn't give a rat's *** how "hurt" she was that you "brought it up". Read my previous post again, as I attempted to put it in quotes. It's pretty clear...painfully so.

Do you think that I didn't fully trust the only man I'd ever loved or been intimate with? Yes, I'm old school and proud of it. I recognized friends in the "Ice Age" movies=) I met my husband while I was still in HS and he was already in college. We were exclusive for 4 years before we got engaged and married. I worshipped the ground he walked on and trusted him implicitly. I won't go into detail, but I believe it's in an earlier post of mine...maybe not.

Let's just keep it simple by saying he BROKE my trust, not with "friends" but with absolute stranger(s). My gut told me (yours is telling you) something wasn't right, but I didn't listen. It went on for 2+ years right in front of me without me realizing. I think I knew, but knowing hurt too much. It was less painful to believe him when he told me my suspicions were absurd and I was "crazy". He'd never spoken that way to me before.

Follow your heart, but take care...It shatters easily and rarely mends completely. I wish you the best. You seem like a really good guy. Your GF shouldn't be talking to this other guy, PERIOD.

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