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Let me begin with I knew what I was getting into when I leapt into this relationship, it was a gamble and even though I had countless people tell me it was a bad idea to get involved with someone who was still friends with an ex I did it anyway, because at the time it really didn't bother me. It had been years since they dated and she was married now.

My boyfriend calls his group of friends his 'dysfunctional family' because they have a lot of history together and because they are his only friends and their relationship is indeed dysfunctional. He moved away from his small town home with his childhood buddy Joe. He and Joe met Julie and her boyfriend Nick and the 4 of them moved in with each other to the big city. They in a way became his alternate family. Julie and Nick broke up and she began dating my boyfriend. At this point my boyfriend was shy, young and nave and Julie was young, unsure and selfish. She took advantage of him, cheated on him, used him and treated him very badly. She also took comfort in the arms of his best friend Joe. My boyfriend literally walked in on them once and even though they hashed it out, he still stayed in the relationship with her. My boyfriend figured she stuck around because he had a good stable job and Joe was more of a partier and unemployed. Anyway after 5years of being in this relationship they finally split and months later she and Joe were engaged. Great friends right?
My boyfriend knew he made mistakes and he blamed it on being young and stupid, but I think deep down he just didn't want to be alone and he thought that Julie was the best he could do.

Years later My Boyfriend, Julie, Joe and Nick (yes Nick is still in the picture) are still all friends who do everything together. They watch movies together, go on road trips, when they can't make it home they spend holidays together, they even vacation together. Now I'm not one to judge but when I first heard all this I couldn't help but agree with my boyfriend that they are definitely dysfunctional.

When I came into the picture I took it all in with an open mind. I hung out with all of them a few times and just sort of assessed the situation. The situation was Julie ran the group and 'her guys' as she referred to them did her every bidding. She had a sort of power over them because if they didn't do what she wanted she would throw a fit and instead of dealing with that they decided it would be easier to just do whatever she wanted. After years of this treatment she became very accustomed to shouting out demands. She would talk down to her husband which actually didn't bother me because he made his bed with that one, what did bother me though was how she treated my boyfriend. She treated him like she was married to him too, If we would be out at a bar she would, cut my boyfriend off from whatever he was doing to go get her another drink. If we were all carpooling somewhere she would tell him to change the radio station. Once I actually saw him bending over to tie her shoe.

Needless to say when I decided to become more serious with him I gave it to him straight. I told him that I know that he thought he was being a gentleman by doing what she asked but I believe she was taking it too far. She had a husband now, her husband should be getting her drinks, her husband should be tying her shoes (well in reality she should be but anyways...) there are only a handful of ladies you should worry about other than your current girlfriend and they are your, mother, grandmother, sister and future daughters. Not your ex girlfriend who just takes advantage. Thankfully he agreed and started telling her to do things herself.

As time went by I started to dislike hanging out with them more and more because all they would do was reminisce about old times which included times my boyfriend and Julie were dating. Not only did I feel left out but I would hear things about the two of them that I didn't care to know. Julie had a tendency of getting drunk and spilling many details about them. The current girlfriend shouldn't know about how you two used to fool around in his truck or how he cried when you broke up. I knew she was doing it on purpose and I didn't care for it. My boyfriend would claim he would never hear her saying things like that, So I told him that I didn't want to go out with them anymore if it would be an atmosphere where she would be drinking to a point of no return. Now I know you're thinking that I haven't given it much of a chance, but you have to understand that this was about a year and a half into our relationship meaning I've been out with them over 100 times and this would happen EVERY single time. I know so much about their relationship I feel like I was there.

I didn't want to be the girlfriend who said he couldn't hang out with his friends anymore, especially since they were all he had. So I improvised, I knew that the problem was Julie so I thought it would be a good idea to get baseball tickets for my boyfriend, Joe, and Nick, that way they could have a guys night. Well Julie was so upset about it that Nick gave up his ticket so she could go instead. My boyfriend said that she was always like that, they couldn't go anywhere without her even bachelor parties. I stopped being nice when I found out that she was giving my boyfriend a hard time because he was going to be spending Christmas with my family instead of hers. I just stopped making time for them, I told my boyfriend that he can go hang out with them all he wants but I'm done. He said that he wanted to start distancing himself from them because they were really bad friends to begin with. So we started hanging out with my family and friends more and he actually started making friends at work.

At his birthday party I decided to invite them because well they were his friends and I figured some time had passed maybe we can start again, WRONG. She got so drunk she started going off about how I am taking him away from his friends and I'm changing him so much and that she doesn't even recognize him anymore. Joe and Nick were no help at all, they just agreed with whatever she said because they can't think for themselves. Later that night I asked my boyfriend if he feels like I changed him and he said no, but that maybe we need to start putting some time aside for them again because they are feeling neglected. I said that was fine because I know he still really cares for them, they were all he knew for 10 years. And before Julie's little blow up he was having such a great time with them. He said that he doesn't want to do things with them without me though. Do I just need to suck it up? I literally become so livid after every time we hang out with them and sometimes I take it out on my boyfriend. I hate that I do that. What can I do? I cannot and will not ask him to stop talking to them, but what can I do?





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