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We've been married 19 years, together 25. In the last 3 or so years, my husband has started to get so annoyed by my parents. Unfortunately, he doesn't hide the fact, he tries, but eventually he gets so frustrated that he will remove himself from the conversation or the room. He says he loves my mom and dad but it's obvious that something is not right. His parents are deceased - have been for many years. His family was very dysfunctional - lots of alcoholism and neglect. For most of the time he's known me and my parents, he's been okay with them - I can't expect him to love them the way I do. I have to admit that there are some very annoying things that both my parents do - like always talking about people who are so successful or people who are amazing in other ways. Other things too, but they're only human! I don't really know how to explain it, but it feels irritating and uncomfortable but I know my parents mean nothing by it. They are not nose in the air people. So I have learned to let these things roll off my back (sort of...still working on it), but my husband has a really hard time with it. I am not going to leave my husband over this. I just don't really know how to deal with the uncomfortable moments. He's stopped answering the phone when they call...this has been in the last couple years. When we visit, he doesn't like to participate in conversations. He thinks my mom is always interjecting herself in conversations when she's not really part of them. Like when my husband and my dad are talking...she'll just interrupt.
I am just tired of being in the middle of this crap. My husband could work a little harder at just letting the annoyances roll off him, but he gets so worked up internally. Sometimes he goes for a walk to cool off. And my mom acts all offended. I've decided that instead of worrying about him coming with me to visit them, I'll just visit myself. He has no problem with me going to visit. He also has no problem when they visit our house...usually. I've done this a few times in the past year or so...just taking our son and me... and it's worked out. It's not perfect because I would love if we were one big happy family. I'm just wishing there was a way to make everyone get along but I realize the person I picked years ago to be my husband, is very opinionated as is my mom. And they are opposites in temperment. My parent's feelings have been hurt a few times and I am sick of trying to apologize for my husband's rude behavior. When my husband and I talk about this issue, he says he'll try to be more easygoing about it, but it is really hard for him. My parents are sweet people (although my mom can be a bit passive aggressive and martyrish) and I think he might have resentments because he grew up in such a mess of a family. I can't change how he feels about my parents but I can leave him out of the picture when we visit. Anyone else going through this? Should I just continue to visit them on my own with my kids or should I insist that he come with me?





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