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Re: I am unlovable
Jul 30, 2014
Thank you for the kind replies.

I practise Mindfulness meditation to cope with my awful anxiety, which is a lot about being in the present, but it's not easy.

I have a lot of anxiety all of the time because I am a survivor of physical and sexual abuse as a child, and extremely unpopular and bullied as well. I was always very isolated and lonely and a lot of it had to do with the same problems I have today.

I also spent several years on the streets and endured all the crap that entails. For a shy, sensitive person that was definitely not somewhere I should have been.

I never believed that my past defined me but it seems as though I may have been wrong, because I became bitter and angry and scared all of the time, with neurotic tendencies, and basically just not someone anyone wants to love.

I have often thought of getting a dog, in fact my bf has been trying to convince me too for a while now and I would love to but during my worst depressions I know for a fact the dog would be neglected and I won't even risk it.

I had a dog when I was married, prior to getting him I had done weeks and weeks of reading up on dog care and I really genuinely put a lot of effort into training, hours and hours every single day for the first year, I did not take my responsibility lightly and understood the work entailed in having a dog but he was still always peeing in the house and was unfriendly to everyone but immediate family. (Pom/lhasa mix breed)
When my husband up and left on fathers day no less, my daughter was only 5 at the time and took it very hard. She regressed and started having accidents even on my carpet all of the time and I was having a complete breakdown unable to sleep or eat anything for months.

between her and the dog it was just too much and I knew I only had enough mental energy to care for one being so I made my daughter my priority.
I don't think I even brushed my own hair for months to give you an idea of how serious I am when I say I took care of ONE living being, and it was not me.

I did interviews and finally gave the pup away to a lovely family with a huge yard and young girls whose verry similar looking puppy had passed away after 15 years of life, and I know he is having an amazing life now, but to this day I feel horribly guilty I took on that responsibility and failed.

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