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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Its been awhile since i've came to Healthboards, and it's helped me through tough time... and so i thought I could try it again.

I have been with my current boyfriend for technically almost 3 years now. However, in the first year and a half of our relationship I was still in contact with my ex-boyfriend. He still wanted to be together and during that time i was extremely depressed and confused. So to be brutally honest with myself and not sugar coat it, i did cheat/lie to my current boyfriend during the first year and a half in our relationship.

It wasn't untill i found a really good therapist and medication for depression... that i finally got better and was able to cut the ties between my ex and i. From there, i told my current boyfriend a summary of what had happened between me and my ex during the beginning of our relationship... like a brief summary that highlighted that bad things ive done... and somehow in his heart he forgave me. He said he knew it wasn't me... and that i was in a bad bad bad place and my first therapist wasn't helping me either (she would tell me to still see my ex to figure things out.. and just go ahead and do whatever with him to get clarity)... and that he loves me and still wanted to be with me.

After that, everything was good for the last 1 1/2 years. I am alot happier.. therapy helped... im finally off medication... and im back to who i was before the drama between my exboyfriend and i (we had orginalyl broke up because he had done something with his coworker... and i got depressed because i couldnt stop blaming myself and thinking it was my fault).

So anyways, thats a brief background of what happened (you could actually read my past healthboards to get more details)...

anywho.. Now that it's almost my current boyfriend and my anniversary... im haunted by my actions in the past. I cried and had another anxiety attack and cried to him telling him that i was sorry for what i've done.. and that i feel like ive built our relationship on a lie.

I feel like i should go into explicit detail of every conversation i had with my ex, everything that ive done, how i felt back then with my current boyfriend... because i feel like he has the right to know it detail... even if i gave him a summary...

and i wanted to know from this healthgroup.. if you guys think its a good idea? or if i should just finally move forward and let go of the actions ive done and focus on my happiness now.

I must sound like a terrible person. I really loathe who i was, and i wish i could go back and just have been honest...but then again, i don know if i could have moved on with my life if i hadnt gone through all that...the therapy and struggles...

what do you guys think i should do?

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