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Hi all. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this and offer your advice. It's a pretty involved story... Apologies!

First a little about my marriage. I just got married 2 1/2 months ago and he is a good man and husband. We were having issues during our year and 9 mos long engagement where very soon after we got engaged our sex life decreased dramatically. There was no passion, I didn't climax for months. He would try to recreate that connection but it just wasn't coming back. Things got a little bit better for a short period of time but we never got out of that emotional rut. I do love my husband, and care about him, but I fear that we were going through the motions planning our wedding just thinking this is fixable. We had a lovely wedding but I felt myself not feeling emotional NEARLY as much as I had hoped or previously thought I would feel. Again, he's a good guy. We met just barely three years ago, moved in together after 8 months, he proposed 3 months after that, and we started planning. Finances aside (he's an actor..), he is a consciously level-headed guy, who likes to plan things a lot. I've been more of the, planning something as a guideline person (unless there is a deadline or something needs to be done immediately).

Now a little history.. I fell in love with a Spanish exchange student my senior year in high school. The day after he left we wrote each other anywhere from 1-5 emails a day for the next year before we each went off to college. The only thing we did was kiss. Throughout the past 10 years we've kept in touch, sometimes frequently and other times less frequently, through relationships and other life happenings in our 20s. I had planned twice to go to Spain to visit him and both times fell through. He's visited the States 3x now but we weren't able to link up as he always came with a group, either friends or for work.. most recently, over my wedding weekend. He knew I was engaged but we never talked about it, and I never told him when my wedding date was. He messaged me before his latest Stateside visit but seeing as it was the weekend of my wedding I couldn't see him.

Now we've reconnected after the wedding and have been talking (non sexually) nonstop for the past month. I'm not forcing myself to face those gut feelings and doubts I was having during my engagement with my now husband and fear that I've made a terrible mistake.. I've never been good at analyzing situations or deciphering my feelings, but at this point I feel extremely strong about needing to see my love in Spain. Seeing as everything has been online for the past 10 years I realize that I'm romanticizing this a little bit, but my relationship with him started in person. I've never, since meeting him the first time, felt this way towards another person, which is part of why needing to see him in person again is so important. I regret not seeing him before the wedding and I feel like a terrible awful person and wife now...

I know I married my husband for a reason, but I'm afraid I married him for the wrong reason(s) and now I won't be able to be as happy as I know I can be. Almost like, if I never saw my Spaniard again, does that mean any relationship I have will be doomed?

I've made a counseling appointment for myself for before Thanksgiving, and will speak to my husband regarding how I've been feeling about our relationship, no other factors involved. Because I feel that I should exhaust my resources with my husband before I make any rash decisions... But at the same time, I really think it might be all for nothing considering how I feel about this other guy.

Please, any advice or similar experiences and what you chose to do, how you felt, etc would be much appreciated!! <3





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