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Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to check in. I have not gone back to my ex and I've been very good about not keeping contact with him at all. When I first left, he was texting and emailing me all of the time saying outrageous things. I wouldn't respond. I wouldn't take the bait. He even waited for me outside of my work one day. (Just a side note, everyone asks me why I don't get a restraining order on the guy. In order to get a restraining order taken out on someone, that person needs to know your address so they know where to stay away from. I'm staying with a friend and do not want him to have my address.)

I have been very afraid since leaving him, but this last week, as he's made less contact, I've become less fearful. And now, I can finally start to mourn the loss of the relationship. There were a lot of good times and he was a part of my life this last year. It's something I need to mourn. And so I've cried a lot, even at random times during the day. Even at work, which is a little embarrassing. But, I have not reached out to him, and I never will. I hope he moves on (although I feel very sorry for his next victim.) Leaving was the only thing to do. You were all right in saying that abusers like this do not change. Come to find out after leaving him, he had physically abused (severely) his ex wives. I'm not talking about a shove or a push. I'm talking severe beatings. He never touched me but he was very manipulative and emotionally abusive, and sexually abusive too. I've started therapy. I'm finally letting the emotions of missing him come to the surface. I'll get through it. In fact, I think it's a good sign. It shows that I genuinely cared about him and the relationship, which I did. I find myself wishing at times that he could have been the man that I knew during the good times in the relationship (and there were many) and not the man who I dreaded having sex with because it meant that first we'd have to watch an hour or two of hard core porn which I had no interest in so that he could get turned on, or the man who would stay up yelling at me until 2 or 3 am so that I couldn't sleep, or the man who would call me names. If I could've had just the good part of him, extracted the racist/mysogonist out of him, I would. But, there's no such thing as that. And so, I'll continue on my path without him.

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