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Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD) (CRPS) Message Board


Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD) (CRPS) Board Index


[QUOTE=Sunnycal;3431900]My husband has RSD and I have been posting here for several years. He has not worked since 1998 and is on SSD and WC. His car accident was in 1992, so he has been in pain since then and had over 30 surgeries and procedures. He is so depressed about not having a decent retirement and not contributing financially. His sister received a promotion and he wanted to tell her how proud his parents would be if they were alive. Then he began crying and thought about how he can no longer do anything that would make them proud. How can I make him understand that it doesn't bother me? I have a good job and we are OK financially, and will be when I retire. He just keeps looking at what might have been. I tell him that being a responsible, worthwhile human being, being a good husband and father (which he is), are more important than fame and money. I also tell him that we are luckier than a lot of people who have lost their houses because of RSD. He doesn't want to listen. I feel like 15 years ought to be long enough to come to an acceptance, but he is still so angry that his life was taken away. I try to get him to look at the glass half full, but he won't. (Yes, he is taking antidepressants and seeing a pain psychologist). I know some of you have come to the acceptance part (Michelle, Sharon, Karen, etc.); do you have any advice for me?
Sunny[/QUOTE]

Sunnycal,

It has been a long time since we have spoken. First, I can't say how is everything going because you just summed it up here. First of all, Tell you husband about me...read him this:

I know that you might remember me, its Ben. I too was hurt just over two years ago. Remember I was a police officer hurt on the job. I too have w/c dictating me around. Having to jump thru hoops when they say so. I have felt the same way you do man. My life was over when the dr said what my disease was. I was forced to retire with no pension, forced to sell my house for less then what it was worth, had to move in with my inlaws and live in a 10x10 room with my wife and two dogs (basically it was the laundry room....very hot in there). My wife had to work harder then she had too in order to support us and pay for child support which she wsan't responsible for. She took care of me and everyone else she had too. Lot's of responsiblity. We have had our share of problems, even thought of divorce. But! I just couldn't see my life without her and I was willing to do anything to get past everything. The hard thing is I feel like a failure; a failure in my job, my life in everything. I know how you feel. You know you have a good wife, one who has stuck by you thru thick and thin. As my wife has said in the past....she takes her vows very seriously and if she were to walk away then she would be the failure in her marriage. You stay together thru good/bad times, in sickness and in health. Just think if the tables were turned and it was your wife. If there is a way for you to take her pain away you would move mountains. I know it hurts. I hurt, I lay in bed everynight not able to place the covers on my leg, I am cold, I want to take my leg off and replace it with a new one. It is spreading to my other leg and I am scared out of my wits. Life has dealt us a raw deal, we did't ask for this. We are the ones who are supposed to financially support our families and we can't. But let's look at the positives, can I run....NO, but hey I can go pretty fast in my scooter! LOL Do I make the large amount of $$$....NO, but I still contribute with my SSD check. I still go on vacations, maybe a little slower, but I try to make the most of it with my family. It gives me great pleasure to spend those quality times with them. Your family is still there for you, supporting you, helping you. Life has dealt us a wrong deal! I know it is hard to swallow and you are drowning in your sorrows because of everything, but try to not think about finances (its hard not too). I think that way too, but I have placed a goals for myself, why don't you try that? For me I continue to think what might be for me, my family and my future. Try that. Listen, you might still be angry at the world its normal. You are still in your home and sounds like you are financially okay from what I hear...that is a major plus. I think so. If you ever feel like talking to someone...another guy with the same thoughts, feelings, pain and life events....I will be happy to talk.

Sunnycal, I know it is long and dreary to read. My wife struggles and she goes about every 4 to 6 months before she blows only to release that tension. Then she is okay and starts over. It is a rough road we lead. Chin up, look ahead and only hope that there will be some type of breakthru for this disease. Then we will all rejoice! I wish I could give you the be all answer to make your husband just stop with his thought process, but I know my mind continually is rolling about what will be. But ultimately, I continue with day to day situations. You just need to rmember that take it one day at a time.

Ihope that I haven't affended you and realize that it has been along long time for us. Actually, I think I had put an thread for you within the lst couple of months. Okay, so I am starting to hurt, ramble and carry on cause my writingt is getting bad. So on that note. You take care and if you need me I am availabel.

Ben





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