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Schizophrenia Message Board

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I feel stronger Now
Dec 20, 2004
Wow I just finished reading most of the posting on the first page.
It was scary yet comforting to know Im not alone, to know others
have the same symptoms I do, to know this is a disorder and the
intrusive thoughts are not real. I fight with myself all day long, the
thoughts come and I tell myself they're not real then in the next
thought, but what if. I constantly pick apart every single word and
frase looking for a hidden code or secret message. What a relief to
read someone else experiences the same thing. Oh there's much
more and although Ive been diagnosed as bipolar for the last 12 yrs
The meds never control the intrusive thoughts. Whether it's
OCD, schizophrenzia or somthing else, I feel stronger now knowing
this is a disorder. Yes I have wondered if this is all a dream and
one day I would wake up and the night mare would be over. Sure
I've other symptoms I didnt read here, but there were so close
to some of those I read they may as well been the same. To those
that live with spouses with Mental Health disorders I commend you
and I also commend my husband of 26 yrs. I also have social problems,
Im extremely senitive, and when in public I put on an act to hide my
disorder but I can only handle being in public for so long before the stress becomes too much. Ive never completely told anyone all the thoughts that go on in my head, partly cause it's a mixture of many of the posts Ive read here and partly cause I didnt know how to explain it. I was convience I was
mentally damaged, now I know I just have a mental disorder like so many others, even if I never find treatment, I'll know Im not evil, I'm not bad, Im not damaged, people are not conspiring to get me or my family, I may have to tell myself those things but now I can believe it. Thanks to all who have posted here, I feel stronger now to fight my own disorder.

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