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I'm 33 yr old female that needs some advice.

I have been going to dr's for 9 yrs wanting to be checked for ms, mg, lupus, arthritis, pls, pd, etc.

A little over a month ago, I went to CC to be checked for pd. I left there with the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Test 2 in my hand. Still haven't gotten a call back about the results.

Anyways, I will start when I was young:

1) Always felt different from others

2) Always tired in school

3) Always wore my light jacket in high school , even when warm , would keep my head down looking at floor when walking halls.

4) Had friends, but we drank,smoked cig, smoked pot on occasion, ran the streets

5) Always had to have a boyfriend. If one dumped me..I'd have another one right away ( I'd feel worthless, ugly, that nobody liked me, depression...if I didn't have a boyfriend) - these feelings are still with me. If my husband left me...I'd feel these things big time.

6) Period of time in high school when I didn't want to get out of bed to go to school. My mom taped me on the tape recorder yelling and saying that I hated school and that they don't teach you anything anyways. She never talked w/me about this. She just let everyone listen to the tape to show everyone what SHE has to put up with. That really hurts my feelings when I think about it.

7) Always fighting with mom...even now we are not close. Dad I got along with. Got whipped with the belt by mom, and also went to school with nail marks in my arm from her grabbing me.

8) Always thought that maybe I was addopted.

9) Lots of fighting in the house between mom and dad. Mostly when they came back home after drinking. Mom was and still is mean to my dad.

10) I was the last of 3 kids to be born. My mom would tell people that I was the "mistake". My dad would say "she's not a mistake, she was unexpected" She would just shrug her shoulders.

11) Paranoid? - I thought that my husband was growing his beard a certain way because this one girl's husband had his like this. (the girl worked w/ my husband and is outgoing and flirty). I thought he was doing this to get her attention. I started a BIG fight about this one.

- Sometimes I think that my mom is hiding behind my house in the woods to see what I'm up to.

- I thought my mom was calling the dr's that I would see and telling them that nothing is wrong with me physically, just mentally.

- This last dr's appt at the CC, when husband and I walked out , I told him " I should of never of told my mom about the appt. I bet she called and talked to him"

12) When starting a fight w/ husband years ago I would throw things, anything that was near me. If he went up to bed to get away from me, I would go up there and harrass him. I would chase-yell-cry at him all the way out the door when he left for work in the morning.

13) These last few yrs I've backed off. Gone into myself. Haven't faught in a long, long time. Emotions, feelings are little. I get done in the house what absolutely has to get done. Then all of a sudden I can be miss beaver cleaver.....cleaning the house, helping kids w/ homework, making dinner, etc. And even within the hour...I'm back to no emotions, little feeling, not caring, just want to go to bed and sleep the day away.

14) For some reason I like the night time better than the days.

15) I've started talking w/ a phsychologist ( mine and my family dr's idea) . This Thurs. will be the 2nd time. When I went in the first time , I put a fake smile on and blamed my unhappiness on others. I feel sooo fake.

I need help with all these feelings. The phsychologist said anxiety and some depression, but I haven't told her any of this stuff.

Family history:

mom's side: depression, schizophrenia, seasonal depression, alcoholism, maybe bipolar
dad's side: depression, alcoholism


Any comments would greatly be appreciated!! :wave:
Thanks for the input. I appreciate it!!

I'm still waiting on the results from Cleveland Clinic about the personality test I did and sent back to them. It's been over a month now!!

The lady psychologist that I'm seeing is very nice. I've only seen her once and talked more about hubbies family than anything, and they're not my biggest problem either!!

I see her again tomorrow morning at 11:00. She actually had this week off, but said that she's going in half a day tomorrow.

I want to tell her about how I grew up. How I feel my personality is. The things that I've done in the past. How I handle things. The mood swings (every hour is different- and has been that way since I was little).

I know now that I don't have any of those serious illnesses that I thought I could have. Now I'm scared that it's something that runs in the family.... My mom would just love to tell everyone that it's mental. She'll never know though- all she needs to know is that it's anxiety.

I'm hoping that the Cleveland Clinic will have me go back in and talk with a psychiatrist there or whoever went over my test and talks with me??!!

I kinda jumped into counseling with the psychologist ( she's like 5 minutes away), before CC has even called back yet. I just needed to talk w/someone.

Thanks for writing back all. Off I go to search some more. :wave:
Hello. I am a senior psychology major at the University of North Texas. I read over your post and would like to congratulate you on seeking help. It is very difficult for a person to open up in a manner as you have.

To answer your question from my educational experience, it does not sound like you have the direct behaviors/symptoms of schizophrenia. I do not see two of the most prominent symptoms of schizophrenia present in your description, which are delusions and hallucinations.

In reading through your description of your life events and how you have handled things, I would say that you might suffer from a personality disorder. Do not panic! Many people attend therapy sessions as well as reading supplementary books to help curb their anger, fear, paranoia, etc.

Cognitive therapy has been prived to help those with paranoid thoughts. Anger management support groups are also helpful in controlling your anger, which you seem to have under control as per your first post.

The MMPI that you took is a great measure for determing your personality type(s). From there, your psychologist will be able to suggest treatment methods. He may suggest medication, however, I am an advocate of behavior modification, and cognition therapy first, then if medication is warranted, it may be a supplement - not a sole means of treatment. However, it will take a lot of work on your part to go to therapy sessions, and really listen to what the therapist has to say. I feel that medication is for those that are really in need of it, and serves as a crutch for those that don't know of other treatment methods. For example - those that see the cute little paxil commercial with the bouncing ball that is depressed, then it takes some paxil and it's better? Yeah, no. Not everyone needs medication to feel better!

About liking the night time better than the day - no problem! I do too. I guess I just like to sit up and read and browse the forums on the internet. Don't think you are different because you like the night time. It's okay to be nocturnal. :)

Since both your mom and dad's sides of the family both have a history of psychological disorders, it is good that you are seeking help. From the information that you posted, I still do not think that you meet the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia, or any of the subtypes.

One last thing - while you search the net for a diagnosis, be cautious. You will get many different answers from many people about your problems. Take any positive advice you can get, and be wary of anyone trying to pin you to a specific diagnosis over the net without even meeting you in person. I have given you a specific area to browse within to help you search within the right category, however, I am not a liscensed psychologist - only a student.

Good luck in your endeavors! Keep us posted as to what's up in your world when you get a chance. :)





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