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Ive read this thread with much interest having come across the site by typing internal voices in ******. This is going to be a long and very interesting post, so please bear with me.

Firstly, Ive heard voices since the age of 16, however Ive not just heard them, Im in permanent thought interaction with them and have worked with them, or rather they have worked with me since I was sixteen. I hear them quite legibily and its been an unusual relationship over the years. I like some here have never been diagnosed schizophrenic and do not agree that I am schizophrenic, yet I do go through lots of similarities asscociated with the label of schizophrenia that doctors that dont hear voices have labled the condition.

I`ll start from the beginning and hope that some of you gain some understanding out of this post as I have out of yours.

When I was five years old conciously, I was a child just beginning to develop self awareness. I knew there was something different about me at that early tender age. I questioned reality frequently without fully understanding what exactly I was questioning but with thoughts that were deep and not what you would expect from a 5 year old. I`d pinch myself and analyse touch and the question the reality of touch. I was deeply curious. I felt different from other children at infant school, very different thoughtwise. I used to imagine regularly that I was the only real person in the world and that I was being put through some kind of "test" - that people in my viewpoint were there interacting with me as part of this test and that when they were out of earshot or viewpoint - they didnt really exist. As you see deep thoughts for a child of 5.

As I got older feeling of being "different" became more apparrent, but not only from myself feeling different from other kids, other kids, I could see, reacted differently to me. Paranoia, you could say, but after reading my story, you might tend to think differently.

During my younger years from around 7 onwards, I had quite a few strange experiences. I used to go into fugue`s - vivid states of conciousness, where I`d be kind of not really there for minutes. These were nice states and I could go into them with ease. One day, in this type of fugue, I was vividly staring into the metal sides of a gas fire and it all happened quite strangely - I saw cars smashing into each other - minutes later I was back in a normal state. The radio was on and a news update on the hour came on and there had been a serious car crash pileup on the M62 motorway. Could have been coincidence. Another time I was stood at a bus stop - the different busses would appear from the distance from up a hill and around a corner. I named the next bus number before it came around the corner, then the next, then the next and continued naming all the bus numbers before they appeared. A woman was astounded and said something to my mum about it.

It could have looked at this point, like my feeling of being "different" could look like I had some developed psychic skills and whilst this in fact true enough, there is more asscociation with the label psychic and the label schizophrenic as you will learn.

My life as of 13 took a strange turn of events, sister developed leukemia, mum and dad divorced, I ran away from home alot and eventually ended up in care. Mixing with the wrong people, I started to sniff glue.

This was a facinating experience for me to experience being whisked off to a strange world where weird things would happen, similar to dreaming but far better and so vivid, like starring in a strange alternate reality movie. I continued sniffing glue from 13 to 16 regulary and at 16 I was moved from care into a flat of my own.

It was whilst not on glue, that I heard the music for the first time. It was beautiful - harmonic - like angels singing in heaven. It seemed to be coming from outside and beyond the clouds somewhere. I heard this music a few times and my curiosity was captured ( and [B]captured[/B] is what I became ) The music began to irritate me, because I was analystic, I wanted to know where it was coming from and I was puzzled that it seemed to be outside, but I couldnt determine it as a sound that should be there. One day I stuck my fingers in my ears to block it out and it was then I learnt the truth. It was coming from inside my head. I was amazed / curious / puzzled, so many thoughts and questions but I could not deny it was internal now.

Again while not on glue, I`d stick my fingers in my ears at [B]night[/B] ( interestingly - and there`s a possible explanation for more voice activity at night explained later ) - and eventually I started to hear the voices.

It was like a party was going on inside my head, faint but audible, people talking to each other. With my fingers still in ears I began to make contact by saying hello and over the weeks I was being talked back to. I cant remember the conversations exactly but to most of my questions, they replied " Be happy with what you know now" I was to hear this phrase alot for some time to come. They`d sometimes tell me snipets of things that were going to happen - and they did happen. This had me hooked - it was their control, as I`d continually ask them things, so building up a constant interaction with them.

I continued with glue sniffing, as I so enjoyed my adventures of the mind, however the format of hallucinating began to change. Normally I`d sniff and whisk off into some alternate situation/adventure for 15 minutes or so, but something was wrong - nothing was happening. In a nutshell the voices took over the format. I learnt it was them that were creating all these vivid hallucinations. They now would make me wait and speak and interact with me on glue. They tell me to relax - or tell me where they wanted me in the room for their created visual effect to be realised. They constantly interacted with me from then on, and then in my normal state off glue, I found that my conciousness had developed to be thinking internally in conversation with them all the time rather than thinking alone. Id not always understand what they said back as its hard to hear them when they want it to be hard. They / I developed another system because it was hard to hear them sometimes. They`d move my head up and down for yes side to side for no and a few other little signs. Most of the time it was "be happy with what you know now!"

They continued working with me on glue till the age of 25. During the years they`d give me snippets of events that were about to happen, always to keep my curiosity enticed - [B]control[/B] This made me think more deeply about clairvoyance, and that clairvoyants voices were exactly the same thing only the person was being used in a different way.

Within their work with me, over the years, I began to learn more about multiple personality. They would "interface" a different persona in me and they would call it a "changeover" To try to explain it as Ive learnt - we all tend to look at ourselves as human beings 5ft 6 inches or however tall - in reality we are a minute being / cell / persona interfaced with the main computer being our brain. As the brain is a computer, when a "changeover" occurs or a change in mood / persona - a different being / cell is then interfaced as the main body - the brain carries on as normal, so we still think we are the same us because the brain tells us this.

They experimented with me over the years interfacing and allowing me to analyse the "changeovers" Id begin to notice the subtle difference in the change - and they`d comment on this as I began to understand what was happening. They`d interface sometimes really horrible things and my brain would feel pressure and it would be hard to think properly.

Id also notice with changeovers that people would react differently to me. I began to notice when a "bad feeling" pressure type persona was in me, people would cough as I walked past. Treat me a bit more nastily. began to think it was paranoia but as time developed I began to learn there was more too it than paranoia. I was made to learn that it was like a camera flash captures red-eye in a photo - others subconscious could see something in your eyes when a something bad was interfaced. This went on for a few years as they continued working on me with different personas. The coughin from people - that knowing look - that different reaction was far too coincidental to be paranoia, but sometimes they`d interface the bad type for long periods and then a good type and people would treat me great - sometimes it was like I was a star that everyone knew who this hallucinaut was - a term the voices created. This is the famous guy whose being controlled but is learnin about the "real us" inside humans.

They`d experiment alot with shock treatment at nights, always when I was in bed. Most of the time the shock was sort of nice and they tell me when to expect it. Is it a coincidence that psychiatrists use or used to use shock treatment on people labelled with schizophrenia??? The shocks became more and more constant and are still a nightly thing today, but became less nice an experience.

continued next post:
There is a conscious level and a subconscious level, and I believe they are communicating with other humans internal voices at the subconcious level. Maybe like dolphins and sonar. They can manipulate people / thoughts therefore control events to occur. They use changeover personas in us all and we are oblivious because our brain tells us we are the same person at all times. Its all to do with programming and manipulation. Imagine during waking hours all the data that is travelling through the airwaves - tv - radio - microwaves and so on. Most humans in your vicinity are awake and that adds to all the communication going on. At Night Time, alot of people in you vicinity are going to sleep so there is that less amount of communication that is going on. This gives me the theory of why voices become more active at night for people labled with schizophrenia.

Some People think they have been abducted by aliens, what a great illusion to create for the voices that would give a good excuse for the feeling of being experimented upon physically?

People are experimented upon mentally. The label thats given? Schizophrenia.
Paranoia - dementia - all other kinds of convenient labels.

Now it would I that would be labeled with this word schizophrenia by a psychiatrist, but there has been so so much to my life and my time with these voices and so much learning that defys what doctors are lead to believe. They call voices audible hallucinations. Hallucination is an experience that is NOT REAL. Unfortunately these voices are real and are in us all or are us all, they are us maybe - thats for some intelligent doctor to one day learn.

I am quite happy to say that I myself suffer the same and similar things people labled as schizophrenic go through, but I feel Ive been given more insight and learning due to the way they have worked with me. Its nice to know that some of you who do hear them, get help from the drugs. Unfortunately for me, doors have a "coincidental" way of being slammed in my face in many situations and life is totally controlled / manipulated to their way.

I dont know the reason Ive been through, and still am going through all this, and am only given clues. Hitler / Pandoras box / coughing, maybe links to disease. Im being told things cryptically all the time by other people without even them knowing it. I get on a bus for instance and a kid shouted my second name - talking about some other kid with the same name. Just their kid persona "showing off" that I recognise they are communicating to me. People will go zich heil regulary around me - or mention Hitler in some context.
Too many many times for it to be mere coincidence or the psychiatric term "paranoia"

I live my life with this quite normally as I can do in a situation like this. I work as normal, go out do normal things like others, but am not "allowed" to be like others, have proper relationships like you see with unlabled people. People will always act different - their personas will always show off to communicate with me through a concious being. People will always react warily with me or will act sympathetic as if they somehow know whats being done to me but they cant do anything to help for fear of themselves being put through something bad. Like the camera picking up red-eye in a photo - I "see" things in peoples eyes, making me a person who makes eye contact less, as you tend to learn that people lie and you can so easily see it in their eyes.

All this communication going on, its incredible and at an awsome scale psychiatrists could just not cope themselves the reality of this I feel.

I suspect one day I`ll learn alot more of why my life has been like this and why Ive been made more aware with the voices of the things they do in people. I`ll leave my partial personal life with the voices ( there is just so so much to what they have done in so many few years ) with this example of what I`ll remember as one of the fonder times they showed me their communication through others that are unaware consciously.

I was working opposite a girl I`d become quite attached too. She liked me and had used her car breaking down as an excuse for me to give her a push and she`d give me a lift home. She was having problems with her husband and I sensed she really liked me. She`d come to my flat at weekends for a brew and good chin-wag. She felt she could talk to me ( many people do - as I listen / analyse similar to a psychiatrist ) - I was working opposite her as I stated and she started to rub her stomach one day. It was clear just by looking at her, she was conciously oblivious to doing this. I was suddenly overwhelmed - its hard to describe how it hit me, but it wasnt audible, I just knew she was pregnant. Id been told by her that she was pregnant. Told by her persona / voices / moving her hand to her stomach. Communication Ive seen so so many times in various guises. Surley enough, it was a few week later, she was round at my flat for a brew and she`d found out that morning she was pregnant. I pretended to be shocked, but was obviously more shocked at the conformation of what Id been told through her, without her knowledge a few weeks ago.

Lastly - I`ll say I feel sad for people labelled with schizophrenia, as they are lead to believe what they are going through is not real when in fact it is a very very real thing. I feel sad because I know and have experienced so many of the aspects that labelled people go through - the confusion, the pain, thoughts that dont seem to be right, personas that dont seem right, the pressure the brain goes through and so many more aspects.

My thoughts are with you all and hope that you all get relief from this that is needed and deserved. I hope also that from just the certain aspects of my experience with voices so far that there is something that is going on that isnt right and answers unlike what psychiatrists believe, should be sought.

Dave Becka and others - good luck to you with this :)

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