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Schizophrenia Message Board

Schizophrenia Board Index

Hello, I am new here, and I am hoping someone has some advice that will help. I have been married now for 13 years to a man that has been parinoid schizophrenic for about 20 years. We have always had our ups and downs, theres is nothing new about that. His visions and voices are religous, racial, and infidelity based. As I have read in this forum as many of you, he is in fear of being damned for his sins and that he is not doing what God has inteded for him to do. The racial part is not helped by the way some people behave in this world, but where ever he goes he looks for it and is worried that someone will try to kill him because of his race. The infidelity is the worse on me. His belief of me is that I am a ***** that will have sex with any man that will have me. If I had truley had sex with everyone he has accused me of having sex with I wouldn't have time to be him at all and would probley be dead of aids now. (I have not ever cheated on him not once!!!) The more he talks about and sees in his mind me being with another man the inraged he becomes. He tells me this is not the reason, "You are derespectfull, and push me to it", he says. There as 6 years of no violence, till a few days ago, he punched me in the face and began chocking me telling me he was going to kill me. I did not have arrested because that will not solve anything all that does is put us in debt even more. The only solution they have in this state is jail and prision, that is not what he needs. And I guess yes I should have left a long time ago, but it is not as easy as that.
He is on meds (Seroquil), and he will not go to a councler because he dosen't trust anybody. It dosen't make it any easier when the local Mental Health Resourse, tell he has to choice one awnser or another on their surveys even if it dosen't pretain to him at all, (EX. "I drink on occasion", or "I drink daily". He don't drink at all) so they fill in what they want because he refuses to awnser the question. another mistake they made was tell him that anything that he told them that they concider against the law that they would inform the police. So, as you can see why he does not talk to them. He has a large family, but over the years has lost contact with them because, I guess they really don't want to hear anything bad, they have their own families, and don't want to hear anyone elses problems. There is no friends for him to talk to, because he dosen't trust anyone. I am the onlyone he has really talked to for years.
We filed for divorce on friday, we are still living together. The reason for the divorce is honestley I am tired, just plain wore out mentally and physically. He has been telling me once a month now for the last two years he wants a divorce and wished he never married me. I hear what a bad wife I am and how there are others out there that could be better and there was some that was already better.
I admit I really probley have not been my best these last two years. The house dosen't stay as cleaned as it has in the past, I don't cook like I did in the past, amoung other things. All I can say is that two years ago my father died and I was the one the responcibility lied on to take him off of lif********, I had a hysterctomy, and became disabled unable to work, all this took place in a 5 month period. I am now 33 I have (so-far) un-explained lung damge, problems with my heart, over-weight, and depressed 90 percent of the time. So as I say I am tired.
Yet when I made him stick to filling for the divorced he sees it like there is another man I want to go to. He dosen't understand just how much strain his illness has put on me.
I made a terrable mistake and told him a few months ago that if he hit me one more time he didn't need to worry about me calling the police, because he would have to eat and sleep sometime. So now he believes that I am going to pision him, yet he has no problem eating or drinking whatever I give him. I never ment I would pision him I just didn't want him to hit me.

I know this is a lot to take in at one time, but what can I do. I can't just jump on the next bus and leave town to destinations unknown because we have a seven year old daughter and he would file charges for parental kidnapping, the courts and system is of no help here, plus I love the man and just want him better.
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