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Schizophrenia Message Board


Schizophrenia Board Index


Small talk
Nov 13, 2005
Hello board!

I don't really have anyone else to talk to, so I figured I' post here, I hope you don't mind.
I'm afriad of doctors and I have no one to talk to about it. I don't want to talk to a concellor cuz you never know
Last year I was really depressed and my doctor put me on two meds, but I started to suspect she was using them against me. I've never been a social butterfly or anything, that's why i think i made an easy target. Who would be surprised if I develloped a psychotic disorder? She'd give me drugs to make me that way, then I'd lose my rights and she'd pimp me out to all her pharmasudical company buddies for the rest of my life.
But I thought maybe paranoia was a rare side effect of the meds so I went and just told her I was having problems with them, and what did she do? DOUBLE my perscription! Very suspicious! So I just quit them and never went to go see her again!

But I see the same thing happen to other people. My roommate's girlfriend was having problems with the exact same drug (celexa) and they did the exact same thing when she complained 0_0 Doubled her perscription!
And I read some other people's entry's on this very board saying that they started to develop psychotic symptoms after they took med given to them by their doctors.
I have to really bite my tongue to keep me from shouting sometimes QUIT THE DRUGS WHILE YOU STILL CAN!! QUIT THEM! QUIT THEM
Cuz I never had any real problems before I took meds.

At the same time I feel bad accusing my doctor of trying to hurt her patients on a hunch. But I obviously can't go see a doctor about this paranoia. What if they get offended? Or what if they try to put me on more meds that make me even worse?
And even if I did try to accuse them, they'd just be like "she's clearly crazy!" It would be the perfect plan.

and I worry that I have permenent damage and I don't know how to deal with it. I only took meds for a little while so I'm fine most of the time but sometimes I don't feel well at all. I'll worry that a monster is wispering to me without me realizing it making me act out. But only sometimes. I don't think that anymore.
Sometimes I suspect doctors cause more psychosis then they cure. It would explain why some people seem to get more sick after taking meds. It would explain why there are no cures for anything, just preventions. There's no profit in cures! And if they take depressed ppl and make the shcizofrenic then they'll be able to sell you even more drugs! But other times I think "no, that's just silly, don't think that."

But I can't talk to the people I know about the things I worry about sometimes cuz i don't want them to be freaked out, and I don't want to talk to a councellor cuz you never know. They're not MDs but you never know.
So I just figured I'd post here to get this off my chest. I figure this is as close as I'll get to having someone to talk to who will understand. Even if no one writes back, just knowing that someone knows how i feel is nice, ya know?

anyways, thanks for your time
and sorry if this doesn't make much sence.
~Amasia





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