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Schizophrenia Message Board

Schizophrenia Board Index

Um... well my onset was insidious. Things started to change for me in high school and I didn't realize anything, except that my parents were freaking out about nothing. Then I began thinking things. Things about people and societies. I believed I was part of the illuminati for awhile. I believed I controlled the weather. I remember my first hallucination and the strange thing was, I kind of realized it wasn't real... that is, I thought it existed in a reality parallel to ours. I saw a clownlion in the clouds and saw it get run over by an hillarious steamroller. This was the summer before my first year at university. I went to university and within a month, was totally suspicious of everyone. Oone of my professors, I thought, was spying on me and sending the information to NASA (I was a physics/compsci major wanting to join the airforce and work in Aerospace. Obviously, I didn't get into the air force... I was too sick by then for them to even consider me)

Things got worse and worse after this. But that's another story. You were asking about the onset. Myfirst full blown psychotic episode, in my opinion, occured the summer AFTER my first year (summers are hard for me) I was watching the news and the newscaster said to me "peabody* you are in danger. They're looking for you. IBM wants to spontaneously combust you. You must trust me and listen to everything I say" He told me to disguise myself. I cut off all of my waist length hair. my roommate came home and found me nonresponsive, babbling to my voices (my first discernable voices I think, though it's hard to say...) with patches of hair and scalp, blood and hair on the walls and my face. She called the ambulance who took me in immediately. AFter treating the wound on my head, I was sectioned and treated for "a psychotic episode" Later diagnosed bipolar, then schizotypal personality, then schizophrenia. I would be given meds that were miserable, take them long enough to get free again, flush them, be in remission for some time, then becomesick again without the meds, wash, rinse, repeat. I did manage to finish my degree (That was MY obsession. I began to combine philosophy and heavier mathematics loads, I was writing a lot and managed to get some of my writing published in quarterlies. All about the spirituality of physics.) But I had no friends, no life. Just my work and my delusions and voices. It was a sad, troublesome and frightening, yet enlightening and powerful time.

I ihave found a med that works for me (ME. Different meds work for different folks) and am willing tostay on it for the sake of my upcomning marriage and family. I'm doing well. I've even gone back to my career and I finally feel I can take off where I left off.

I've posted an intro about myself. But this is basically the coles notes version :)


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