It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Schizophrenia Message Board

Schizophrenia Board Index

First, looking for a label can be a major breakthrough in dealing with an illness. It has a name, therefore you now have some degree of control. When you know what to call it, you're knowing your enemy :) Though I must say, my attitude toward dealing with my diagnosis, even accepting it, came with time and patience and a lot of paradigm shifts in my life. Becoming schizophrenic (and we think it was around my late teens.. early for a girl) was a paradigm shift it and of itself, yes as there was an enlightenment issue to deal with. The fact that I felt, understood and accepted this feeling of enlightenment. But I accepted this as something that is inate in us all and that Id just brought it to the surface and was able to see what I couldn't before. Like you hear a constant noise all your life which is so constant, it becomes a kind of silence but when you actually stop and really listen, you realize it's telling you the Grand Unified Theory, The meaning of LIfe and the origins of all that ever was and shall be. It exists in silence. A sound so constanat, it ceases to have any sound of it's own to our ears. That's a pretty heavy load for a teenager. Fortunately, my onset was insidious and though it caused a lot of fear and frustration in my family (read: What is WITH our child?? and of course my mother thought I was on drugs) it wasn't an overnight skew so I was probably able to deal with the changes it brought about more effectively.

BEing diagnosed is a different paradigm shift alltogether. After you've seen the proverbial mountaintop, being told it doesn't exist is shattering. I'd found God, the hub of all belief, religion, spirit, science, physics (my major in university) and philosophy. Id' found my way there, I'd found absolute beautitude. And to be told it was all just a delusion coupled with hallucinations? "You are very sick. YOu have a serious psychotic illness" It destroyed me. I had been touched by the profound. Call it what you will. But, as I say, accepting the diagnosis, or realizing you're stuck with it, is a major paradigm shift because often, the sz behaves like a friend. It tells you that you're powerful. That you're special. That you're in the center of something very importat. The voices tell you this. The visions are unlike anything I could ever describe using humble language. Colours that don't exist in a normal spectrum. A kind of blue that hasn't yet been discovered. A way of seeing things that makes it all so clear and simple. Like it had been there all along, right in front of you and in searching so hard for a profound answer, you overlook the simple, complete truth that's right in front of you this whole time.

Mind you, is not all like this you see. There was also a lot of fear. I was afraid I became an orange, that someone would peel me. I would be up for nights on end without sleep because the Voices would scream and bang on weird pianos and talk instrange languages and not allow me to rest. My computer was linked to me. That I was nothing more than software built as an AI and that soon, I'd be reintegrated into the system. A little death, no?

That's interesting that aspergers talk young! Although I'm not an aspergers patient,I spoke at nine months, according to my mother. But I was always very wordy, though shy. Which is infinitely frustrating. I'm dead middle right and left brain (and also ambidextrous) I don't have aspergers but I share some common traits with them. I used to believe, as a child, that nothing was real, that the world was created for me alone and that I was actually just a string of synapses and signals. Someone would send a signal to my motherboard, I'd see a sunrise or hear a friend or pet my cat or eat my dinner. IT was a lonely feeling but also a powerful curiosity. I thought all i experienced was just a result of mybrain being tickled by some kind of (pardon the seussism) poke-o-mo-thalo-mo-scope :) If you will. I like seussisms.

Man, shut up pea! I have no point here. I just find this thread... interesting. Gaining some insight for sure. You can really read between the lines, as many of you, I'm sure do with me. It's part of the fun of being human and interacting. And message boards are great ways tointeract for us "social boobs" as I like to call myself because it's... well.. it's like talking in installments. You can stop, think, go back, erase. You don't get interrupted and you can get an entire thought out without being cut off. If you forget your train of thought (personally, my Dr Moriarty :)) you can always go back and figure out what that train was. Online is kind of my social life outside my house which is too small to accomodate my needs as a wider scope human being.

I'll write more but let me consider some things that have been itching the back of my mind in regards to all this. CuriousKittie, you remind me of one of my best friends "Kaylee", (not her real name, of course) who has obsessive compulsive disorder. I'm not saying that's you because i'm no doctor but since you're asking :) *shrug* In fact, I'd guarantee it but again... no doctor.

I've written volumes of irrelevant mishmash. Mostly because I'm new, but also because things you say trigger ideas, which trigger other ideas, which then set a whole series of thoughts off and then ideas come fast and its' like the electricity turns on. And each inch of this tired old brain has a brain like that. :)


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:09 PM.

© 2021 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!