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Schizophrenia Message Board

Schizophrenia Board Index

Hello my names wingmage, actually thats not my real name, but I prefer to be called by it, atleast on the forums anyway. I guess you would like to know why Im here, Ill tell you. Its not that simple, you see nearly 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and its been hell ever since. At first I was into the supernatural and spiritual stuff, wich is I guess common for us Schizophrenics, thats how it began, for me anyways. I started hearing voices a few months before my 19th birthday, I was scared and frightened, I didnt know where to turn, my voices said if I ever told my mother what was happening I would regret it, I told her anyway.

I started seeing a psychiatrist, and I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, he started me on Serequal, wich didnt help very much. My sister was diagnosed with Schizophrenia at 15, so I guess its generic, my mother had a cousin who was also Schizophrenic, he took his life at 19, I dont know why though.

"and its been hell ever since" the reason I say this is because of alote of things, when I first started hearing them, I thought they were sent from god, that they were spirits, and they've been wearing that persona ever since. The voices were not all that kind to me, at times I would hear commands, and if I didnt do what they said, they would attack me, in my nightmares. They said that God dispised me and hated me, they said if I didnt let go of my soul, they would take it, because she belongs up with god, not down here on earth with me, they threatened me, they swore and cursed, up to the point where I couldnt take anymore, I asked them to stop, even pleaded with them, but they wouldnt. They even set dates when I was supposed to die, everytime it passed, they would say that they were only kidding around. All throughout the 3 years btw.

Suffice I had enough, so my psychiatrist recommended Zyprexa, that was over a year ago, its been helping a bit, but I still hear them "the voices" quite frequently, but not often, often. lately my own mind has begun to reject me though, everytime I try to make a point, my mind seems to side with "the voices" like it has a mind of its own, its disturbing. I try to think positive, but it turns out negative in my mind. I also have nightmares, really bad ones too, in most of them Im dead and in some kind of purgoraty with the voices talking to me, all I can say its dark, and I always struggle to get out of it, wich I do, but its frightening, to say the least, its like some kind of mini coma.

My question to you is, cause I dont know if Im alone in this, has anybody here been through the same thing, had the same nightmares, or even been through the same experience. Also I would like to know are there other alternatives to ignoring the voices and hallucinations, other than listen to music and watch tv, because I do that already, hell its the only thing keeping me sane, but other alternatives would be nice, so if you know of any please do say so. Also is there anything I can do to alleviate the nightmares. And if you can suggest anything I could do to change how my mind thinks negative, that would help too. Thanks in advance.

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