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Schizophrenia Message Board


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Hello all. I go by Empire.

I am 37 and was diagnosed schozophrenic nearly 4 years ago. I was married for 3 years and was divorced in March of 2006. I have been considered a little "wierd" since I can remember, but my symptoms started in about 2000. My symptoms are auditory hallucinations and paranoia along with not being able to distinquish between my REM dream state and reality. I often (and still while medicated) wake up thinking my dreams were real. I keep a journal now to help with this. I'm on 10 mg of Zyprexa (Olanzapine) a day and remember to take it occassoinally. My doctor tells me I'm a "functional schizophrenic" so that gives me hope. Though I fear I may slip into something deeper in life later on.

I can keep up with relationships, though I haven't started dated since my diagnosis. I have been hospitalized twice in the last 3 years. I can't seem to hold a job for more than a couple of years. I have my good days and bad days.

I just started a new job today actually as a cook. I love to cook and I think this job may be good for me.

But in the back of my mind, I feel I am a failure. I keep hanging on to the thought that I can do some good in world, but I just don't seem to be making a dent.

Thoughts........

EDIT: Right now I'm working on quiting my bad habits. I know I should not drink, but I do on occassion. Particurlly under stress. I also smoke, but I'm working on quitting that too. Right now I'm emptying out my fridge of any alcohol (by that I mean drinking the rest that I have, which is very little) and smoking my last pack of cigarettes. I think these steps will help manage my illness a little more, if not a lot more and let me lead a more productive life.


Empire





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