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Schizophrenia Message Board


Schizophrenia Board Index


I'm 30 years old and my mom is schizo, not officially diagnosed but everyone in the family knows that she has it and we have a few doctors in the family... She has real delusions and hears voices, thinks people in the tv are talking to her, thinks cops are out to get her etc. I am REALLY fearful of getting it because I know I have a higher chance of getting it because my mother has it. I'm very fearful.

I know that it could be hereditary so that's why I'm fearful. I know I have social anxiety, this stems mainly from being bullied when I was younger and feeling "uncool", not fitting in with the cool crowd at school, not having coming from a well-to-do family and having the right clothes to blend it. I used to eat lunch by myself in the library etc, guys weren't interested in me when I was younger...

Somehow I started talking to myself since I was really young, probably around in Jr High, and I still do it to this day, that's the scary thing. And I talk to myself (only when no one's there of course). I don't actually HEAR voices, I just pretend I am having a conversation with someone but I don't know what the other person is even saying (because I don't hear any voices). It's just weird stuff like imagining I'm having a conversation with a friend about a guy who's interested in me, or pretending I'm flirting with someone, or pretending I'm someone extremely hot and famous such as movie star and getting attention etc

I know you have to hear voices in order to be schizophrenic and I don't hear voices but could it be that I'm just in the early stages and that perhaps in a few years I will start hearing them? I'm afraid because my mom hears voices and it's pretty bad with her.

I am guessing I probably talk to myself because I'm lonely (don't have many friends and don't really date a lot, don't have a really active social life) so I pretend I have someone to talk and fantasize a lot...

That's another scary thing. I always fantasize A LOT and it's always about me being a famous star or celebrity or looking really hot and stepping out of a Bentley when the guy who rejected me in high school runs into me looking stunning, and then I will imagine me having a conversation with him, and I ACTUALLY TALK TO MYSELF during it, but I don't hear voices. Perhaps sometimes I imagine him telling me I look great or whatever or hitting on me but I am not hearing voices, just fantasizing.

Or sometimes I will just talk to myself, not imagining that I'm someone who everyone wants etc but just talking to myself because I'm so used to it I guess and the scary thing is that I cant' stop it completely. I catch myself doing it all the time and then I stop of course.

I'm just afraid that one day these excessive fantasies and "talking to myself" thing will lead to schizophrenia because I am genetically pre-disposed to it. Does this sound like early onset to schizophrenia?

I am paranoid about people to be honest. I imagine that people don't like me because I'm not pretty enough or popular enough or attractive enough or cool enough etc but it's excessive. I always think people don't like me and that they are talking SHI* about me. I know this could be because of my childhood because no one liked me back then, but I know that being paranoid could also be a symptom of schizophrenia.

If I'm not schizo, does anyone know what mental disorder I could have besides social anxiety? I already know I have that one and I have some great books to cope with that one already. I don't think I need drugs for that one because it's from negative thinking, i just have to learn to untwist my thinking by having more realistic thoughts (not assuming everyone is laughing at me or thinking I am not pretty enough) etc But what is this disorder of talking to myself all the time and a lot of fantasizing? It doesn't interrupt with my work or life, I just do it when I have time available, like at night, when I'm bored I will fantasize excessively that I'm someone else... (someone more richer, attractive, sexier, hotter and cooler than the real me). That's what the fantasies are always about.

I'm afraid that my mental state could lead to schizophrenia since I'm 30 now and I know women usually develop it during this age....





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