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Schizophrenia Message Board


Schizophrenia Board Index


Agreed... Dreams is right...

I'm assuming that you've read alot of information on the internet about psychosis... And something small and miniscule that you related to (Or thought you related to) became something that began to validate your every move - pertaining to psychosis in general... Or was it schizophrenia in general?

When I first started to feel like I could have had an illness, I became much the same; as you're describing to be... I couldn't stop reading about illnesses... I became so infactuated with the, "IDEA," that I might have schizophrenia - that oddly enough; it became a desire; to be schizophrenic... Soon I learnt that it was NOT fun to be schizophrenic, nor have the symptoms of ANY mental illness...

I started to become paranoid about small things at first; I had been depressed majorly early on, but something told me that I may just have schizophrenia... I tried to tell my family about this - and they thought I was doing it all for attention... Which at the time, could have been true... However - something still gave me the desire to research more and more about this illness... Soon I realized patterns in my lifestyle, and also in my parents lifestyles... Something was certainly not quite right... And I was the first one in the entire family to seek self - help...

Soon, I became so paranoid that I was seeing a psychiatrist... My psychiatrist said that I had psychosis NOS... Which meant, that I was Psychosis, "NOT - OTHERWISE - SPECIFIED..." Even at that point in time, my own family continued to think that I was doing this all for attention... But something happened...

Somehow, my parents both found a way to hold in their past experiences... My Mom experienced visual hallucinations / auditory hallucinations in the past... My Dad has experienced major mood swings / paranoia, much like I had experienced before learning of these facts... On my mom's side - her brother is bipolar, her sister is paranoid / moody, her uncle is paranoid schizophrenic, her aunt is clinically depressed... On my Dad's side; all his siblings are clinically depressed, my grandma is still taking antidepressants after nearly two decades of being on them... And somehow - no one thought of telling me this...

All of a sudden, everyone in the family is realizing that I was trying to get better all along, and that it had nothing to do with seeking attention through purely selfish techniques... Now, and only now; have I realized that I just had a good intuition / insight into my own self... And that I knew who I was...

Anyways, I'll stop blabbering... I'm trying to say, that its easy to believe whatever you WANT to believe... And perhaps; you should take a break from researching - even if you think you may have an illness... You should, either way; go and talk to your doctor... Explain these feelings that you're experiencing, and tell him / her that you relate to alot of the symptoms on the psychosis list... If he thinks you're in danger of developing such a disorder - he'll refer you to a psychiatrist, or someone who can point you in the right direction... Thats how I did it anyways...

I do believe, however; from what you've stated all over this forum; that you do suffer from ADD - like symptoms... And you are right about ADD being a pre-cursor to schizophrenia... But so is depression, and mania, and obsessive compulsive disorder, and whole wack of other fun and interesting criteria... If you feel like you're experiencing anything out of the norm; than seek help... If you're constantly judging your every move - from all the things you've read on the internet about psychosis - than I think you should stop reading those things - and live your life to the fullest; and pray to God that you won't develop schizophrenia...

It is known, however; that some people, including small children; have read about schizophrenia - and somehow related to the symptoms before they became full - blown...

Thanks,





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