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Schizophrenia Message Board


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[QUOTE=moveforward;3901847]Never took any drugs but I do have a social anxiet disorder.[/QUOTE]

I'm sure I had the same thing, but in high school. I was paranoid about my looks and appearance and felt people were judging me and looking at me. But at the same time people thought I was normal because I was pretty much friends with a lot of the people in my grade. Anyway, that paranoia went away after I left secondary school and went to Uni. I guess you could say from 14 to 17 I was extremely neurotic. It was very frustrating and hard to deal with. I was glad when I finally defeated it in Uni. There were about four years of relative happiness from 18 to 22. At 22 I went psychotic. First induced by marijuana. Maybe related to a break up with my first real girl friend. I spent that summer dealing with hard feelings of emptiness and meaninglessness, looking for God, trying to not lose touch with words -even though I didn't have a scrap of faith in anything that was said. It was a hopeless situation. I didn't tell anyone anything. But, frankly, life is just plain difficult. I could have taken something in high school for my paranoia, but I'm glad I didn't because I got over it, even though I never thought I would. And then when I went psychotic I tried to deal with it on my own. I don't think I could have avoided what happened to me. There's always difficulties. On the bright side I've been on disability for a while. At least the government believes I've had such a hard time of it that I shouldn't need to work as hard as most people, -to make a living. But I do work. Not every schizophrenic can say that.

Anyway, is there a pill to cure death? Not that I'm aware of. Now that I'm older and wiser I see that this is the thing you have to come to terms with. For instance, I've been sick with a cold for the past five days. My head aches, my body aches, my lungs are sore, my health is bad. The older you get the more the body hurts. And then you die. Too bad for me, I'm convinced that I'll continue to feel the pain until my body has decomposed completely. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Anyway. The bugs. This is a somatic delusion. A hallucination that you feel something affecting your body. I'll eat my shoe when science comes up with a good theory explaining somatic delusions as some sort of ego civil war against the body, or what ever.. Isn't it so much easier to say that there are beings out there capable of making pain in the body with the power of their minds? Not according to scientists. I've had plenty. I'm very aware of the fact that the voice could easily give me heart failure at anytime. He did do something to me one night...cleaned all the gunk out of my heart, all the sin...made me feel two thousand years older...like my heart had aged so much. But never bugs crawling under my skin. At the same time I've felt great things. Light feelings in my bones. Feelings of pleasure in other places. Complete freedom. Also the voice gave me the ability to see anything, anywhere with my third eye. And so on.

So, for meds. I would take clonazepam if I were you. Then again, you've got to let the illness, or situation, take it's course. You'll battle with it on your own. But there's a deception going on. For instance, if you experience something like: everyone you think of: you hear. And you believe that the whole world is psychic or clairvoyant...then I would suggest you're being deceived by ONE voice capable of imitating these other personalities.

What kind of being would be able to create such a scenario? Well...he goes by many names. Some people think he's got a pointy beard and he's a crazy freak possible of anything. Some people think he's got goat legs, and he's red, and he's got horns, and even though he can get extremely angry, he's also very sensitive. His penis is very small and he's a very gentle homosexual who needs some talk therapy. That's the big joke. Others say he's a man in a black robe. A man with a pale, white face and no eyebrows...Devious, but charming. A strong man with a certain masculine spice to his voice and sense of humor. Or he's this crazy kid playing video games. Anyway. No points left. Got to go. Got to eat. Got to do stuff. Take care,

hathada





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