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Schizophrenia Message Board


Schizophrenia Board Index


Basically I have had problems all of my life ranging from inability to maintain close relationships...even with family members...to "loosing" parts of my day where I would only be aware of what I was seeing and sometimes hearing...liking having a movie playing in your mind's eye...which I only become aware of not being part of reality after I "snap out of it" almost always which is the result of someone calling my name...not sure how many times they have to say it for it to reach me...or by tapping my shoulder...during these periods I must still have some degree of awareness as to my surroundings because I will be in one place and then next thing I know I am some place different...like a different classroom...having difficulty expressing emotions and feeling inappropriate ones...these problems officially started around the age of 6 or 7...but didn't become bad enough to effect my day to day living until high school started...as a result of these problems I was IP twice...spending my 18 birthday in the hospital although now I am 19... in a period of two months my senior year and Out Patient once resulting in about 26 days being In Patient/Out Patient therapy...since then the only thing that has changed even though I'm on 400mg seroquel is that I can sleep...although lately that has been getting progressively worse...and I no longer "loose" parts of my day...these "movies" as a came to know them...at least according to my psychiatrist were hallucination...I did some research and it turns out that they are pseudo hallucination...basically during the summer of my Junior year...when I was 17...I was visiting with my mom...my parents are divorced...for a period of about four to six weeks I slept for about two hours a night...not because I couldn't sleep but because I was never tired...as far as my mood goes at this time I'm not sure I spent almost the entire time either watching anime or lost in these "movies"...although I was probably feeling what I would consider normal...but then one morning...while I was watching anime I realized that I could not laugh...even at things that I found funny earlier on in my visit with my mom basically I felt "empty"...I don't know how to describe it other than I felt nothing I just existed...which could possibly just be a severe form of depression...although as far as right now is concerned I no longer feel "empty"...mostly anxious and nervous

As far as my official diagnosis goes my psychiatrist never really made that
clear...which is why I'm writing...he has brought up bipolar...psychotic depression...which is what he first said it might be... and possibly schizophrenia...and at least according to the test that I took with my psychologist...whom I no longer see because she realized that she could not help me...brought up some personality disorders such as schizoid and schizotypal




A brief summary of my problems
[B]-extremely asocial[/B]...pretty much the only person I talk to is my father but they mostly lead to arguments because we a two very different people and the fact that he has been proven to lie and is untrustworthy
[B]-severe apathy[/B]...the passing of a relative evokes no emotional response
[B]-flat/blunted affect[/B]...I also laugh at inappropriate times and not necessarily when I think something is funny
[B]-"hallucination"[/B]...which are mostly under control...at least to the point where I don't loose parts of my day
[B]-insomnia[/B]...I cannot sleep without seroquel
[B]-anhodonia[/B]...I don't find anything interesting or fun even anime
[B]-paranoia[/B]...I won't make eye contact with people for fear that they
might infiltrate my mind...I don't necessarily believe that they can do that but I can't discount the idea...I also have panic attacks when I go outside sometimes thinking people are watching me through their windows...I am also guarded in what I say to my family for fear that they may know too much about how my mind works which would allow them to infiltrate it and possibly take control of what ever my mind controls...basically everything...I don't think I could live if I knew I had been infiltrated
[B]-cognitive impairment[/B]...I have trouble remembering even simple things such as where I placed something or why I went down the stairs my ability to concentrate is impaired...probably by the seroquel possibly to make it easier to infiltrate me...but I don't know...also I am almost always holding conversations in my head...I am not hearing voices...although I have in the past...before I was on meds...
[B]-hygiene[/B]...I wear dirty clothing often and bathe about twice a week unless when I'm told to...mainly because I forget to bathe and because I just don't see the point
[B]-Anxiety[/B]...although that is probably caused by my paranoia
[B]-Racing thoughts[/B]...not really a problem now...since I've been on seroquel...but still is quite bothersome when I try to fall asleep without it

As a result of these problems I applied to no colleges I had to wait until January to go back to school...I didn't last long before I found out that a group project that I worked on got a zero because they left my name off of the project...basically steeling my credit for something I did along with the fact that in social situations I am highly uncomfortable...I also stopped deluding my self and realized no matter what kind of education that I could possibly achieve society would still not have me succeed by not hiring me for any number of reasons ranging from not liking me to not thinking I was qualified enough to even just wanting to see me fail...so I decided to cut my losses and drop out of college


Medications that I have been on but have either stopped taking or was switched to another one:
[B]Depakote-[/B] 1000mg stopped taking after about 9-10 months
[B]Lexapro-[/B] 10mg for about a month...was switched to Lamictal
[B]Lamictal-[/B] 10mg stopped taking after about 9-10 months
[B]Topamax-[/B] ?mg for about a month...was switched to Depakote
[B]Abilfy-[/B]10mg for about a month...because of side effects
[B]Seroquel-[/B] 400mg still taking for about 12 months



As for organic causes to my problems go...I have had mri blood tests and a urine test all of which came back clean

As far as to my actual question goes...Also I would like to note that my uncle in a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic...although that may have been caused by a head injury...not sure which came first...and my grandmother and mother have had depression for quite some time...Oh and as to my question does it seem likely...based on these symptoms does it seem likely that I may have schizophrenia or is it something else...like bipolar or psychotic depression or even a personality disorder...I'm not sure





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