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Schizophrenia Message Board


Schizophrenia Board Index


I have reviewed some threads before contemplating starting my own thread and know many have stated they can't give medical opinions or anything - I am just frightened/curious about maybe having this dreaded condition.

My symptoms include...

-Delusions and paranoia: For about a month now, I've been feeling as if someone is watching me and wants to kill me. I am afraid to walk into dark rooms in fear of meeting some demonic entity that will harm me or kill me and think there is some sort of monster in my closet and have to hide under my blankets to feel safe. I also lock my door at night in fear of someone coming in and killing me in my sleep with a knife or ax or something equally terrifying. I'm afraid of making noises in fear of people finding me and hurting me or killing me.

-Anxiety and phobias - I have extreme anxiety, social phobia and am afraid of leaving my house, the last of which has developed recently over the last month. I always think people are out to get me, think negatively of me, and are plotting against me. I also have a wide variety of phobias, which are probably irrelevant, but are relevant to my delusions. In addition to fear of leaving my house, I also can't eat in public - I have panic attacks and throw up as a result.

-Hallucinations?: Sometimes, I will hear this monotone voice in my head having conversations with another monotone voice. Like good and bad. And also, sometimes, I will hear random screaming in my head, a berating, demonic voice, and sometimes a voice telling me what a disgrace i am, how ugly i am, and how stupid and worthless i am. sometimes i will hear creaking of floorboards (like footsteps), see doors move (like sort of shake?), feel extremely cold sensations on my arms and in the dark see moving shapes coming at me with arms outstretched as if to grab me. and i've once or twice heard external voices talking when there's no one there. also, i hear music in my head.

-Personality: I'm very listless at times, lack of interest in anything but writing and television, am easily irritable, can be hostile at times, and even, a few months prior, beat myself in the face with a brush until my nose bled, and my forehead and right cheekbone swelled. my mom had to take me to get a catscan to see if i had broken it. it was, in fact, over a severe emotional episode, but i have entertained thoughts of hurting myself over the past few months.

-Odd behaviors: sometimes i will laugh for no reason, and just the other night i started crying because i thought i was losing control of myself. i'll often make weird movements, and sometimes just stare into space for short moments of time. i also have morbid fascination with mentally imbalanced people with disorders like schizophrenia, OCD, anti-socialism, odd behaviorisms, sociopaths and twisted, perverse thinking. if i start thinking about my instability, i feel like crying. i have pushed all friends away for lack of interest in having any and their need for socialization. i prefer to stay at home all the time and never go out unless for home entertainment (books, movies...)

That's about it...but, as a side-note, i did experience a traumatic event as a young child, and symptoms of irrational anxiety did not surface until my 8th grade year, and these unstable, strange behaviors began manifesting the beginning of my junior year.

If it is at all relevant, I have dreams about other worlds and creatures and beings that don't exist or are otherwise morbid and confusing.


I am seeing a therapist, but I am afraid of telling her about these symptoms...

Might I have schizophrenia?


Note: I was on Wellbutrin and take Xanax to calm panic attacks.





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