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Schizophrenia Message Board

Schizophrenia Board Index

Hi folks hows it going? im new to this so if any1 could have a little look and give me some feed back that would be great.

right where to start, a short time ago i stoped taking drugs, i was really into smoking pot all the time. all my wages would go on pot, cocaine, xtc, mdma, occasionally lsd. it all started when something happend to me that caused me to start taking more and more drugs. all the time every weekend. i had to have pot everyday or i wasnt the same person. anyway i started to feel like i was going slow in the head and all my friends picked up onit aswell so i ignored it and jst thought that things would get better. i started hearing voices at night like past conversations from the day and people talking. sometimes i would imagine conversations and senarios and the possible outcomes of them then once i decide on an outcome i start to get paranoid that it might happen. im still doing it all the time, but its getting worse. when i try to sleep at night its just like i cant i allways have death related dreams i.e, i die a very painfull death, family and friends dieing, i duno wether its insomnia or just my brain working at the rate of a computer left on for weeks. ive started doing really strange stuff its almost like its ocd related, like ill picture a sentence then spell it out and if i get it wrong i put myself also very very paranoid but i allways have been slightly its jst got alot worse since smoking weed all the time, but tbh its all got alot worse since completely stoping smoking weed for the first while i was getin withdrawl simptoms. i still kinda twitch abit and when i go out (very rarely) my friends think its funny so that in itself puts me off going out and socialising. this time last year i was never in my house and now i find it really hard to leave the house. even just to go out to a shop or to a family members house. i havent really seen or spoke to any of my close friends in about 6/7 months and i feel like their starting to loose interest in calling me or wanting to get me out the house, they try all the time but i jst ignore calls because i think their trying to get me out to make and idiot of me, i duno why they would but it just feels like it. ontop of this all they all think im gay which annoys me its not that im homophobic im just not homosexual. i really do think im schizophrenic but im far too embarrassed to tell any one. i dont want to talk to my friends or family about it for fear of disbelief, and ontop of that i dont want people thinking im crazy

in the head. ontop off all this its making me extremly depressed and i have no idea how to get out of it. i wish i had never got into "the drug scene" but i cant change what happend

what should i do? . thanks for taking the time to read this any input would be greatly appreciated

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