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Schizophrenia Message Board


Schizophrenia Board Index


Ive always felt normal, never thought twice about it. I functioned normaly for the most part, being able to hold down a job and keep relationships with people. I could socialize fine and never feeling uncompfortable around people. Thats all changed now. And I dont no why. It happened when I moved to a different city by myself at the age of 17. I began to feel things I have never felt before. I couldnt look people in the eye. I had trouble talking and spitting out my words. I would hide my face when around people. I would look away if they looked at me. I couldnt look back at them. I was afraid what I looked like. Because I was seeing things. I knew they were not real. It was like a translucent slideshow of blury images in my head. Like my brain is in knots. The only images I can make out are noses, and they are ugly to me, even though they dont look ugly. I was scared what I looked like to people. And I cant even move when in public. Im scared stiff. Im afraid Im not looking at them normal. Im afraid I look wierd. I dont feel my facial expressions are the same. And I can never stop looking in the mirror to check and see if I look normal. Am I thinking about it too much? I cant even work and its destroying my life. My boyfriend doesnt understand and he thinks its all in my head. I live with him and he doesnt think anythings wrong with me. I went to a sychiatrist and they diagnost me as borderline personality disorer. But I think its somthing else. I dont no what it is, but somthing is terriably wrong. I never go out, im afriad to. Its been 6 months and im 18 now. I hate talking to people, let alone people looking at me. So i try to stay away from public as much as possiable. Witch is very difficult when you have dreams of achievment in life. Or just living in general. My head hurts every second of the day and the delusions NEVER go away. Am I schizophrenic? Whats wrong with me?





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