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Schizophrenia Message Board

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I'll talk to you. I can tell you what I've been through. You can tell me what you've been through. I can give you advise. You can give me advise.

My history goes a little like this. At 21 I had a major psychotic episode. Following this was four months of feeling very empty. Then I got what people might call a "tension head-ache". But it was really more serious. It felt like consciousness bundled up very tightly inside my head. The pain was so intense that I couldn't feel it.

After four years of being catatonic, you could say, the tension released itself and I felt good again. After this for about four more months, I had incredible power. Just a lot of psychic ability which I concentrated on. I watched people and things around me change, due mainly to this very spiritual thing that had been released inside of me.

Then I began hearing voices. I've heard so many voices, from so many different sources. It's absurd in a way. But I actually learned many things from these voices. In a way it tells me that the things I heard within my self were coming from an external source.

I later broke down the source of the voices to one in particular. Since then I managed to find a way to quiet the voices. My ability to quiet the voices was almost entirely caused by a focus on my heart. There are things called chakras, according to the mainstream yogic tradition. One of these "energy centres" is in the heart. I learned that by focusing all of my mind on this chakra in my heart I was able to stop the loudness and frequency of the voices. As I'm sure you know, the voices can be interesting to listen to, but are mainly very distressing. So, when I learned to control the voices, I was able to start a normal life. Luckily I met my wife about three years ago, and together we've managed to start a pretty normal life.

Things go on rather comfortably for me. I haven't found a real calling in life, as far as occupation or a job goes. I'm always bothered by the idea that I'm not fit to work in a lot of the jobs I see my self working in, because of my illness and because of all the history I have behind me. Also, I watch the world going into chaos. I see the way society is built and I see the way it is beginning to destroy itself. Not only beginning to destroy itself, though. Society, as I see it, has been heading down a destructive path for quite some time. It is only now, when our whole cultures are reliant on the automobile and oil, and where there doesn't seem as if anyone really cares about coming up with a solution to the problem of the automobile -that the fate of the world looks more and more hopeless.

My own psychological problems seem to have worked them selves out. Now, it seems, I find my self in this world where every thing is going out of control and no one has even one clear solution on how to start fixing the problem.

Everyone knows that a lot of tension in the middle east is made worse by the continuing demand for oil. I believe in God, and I honestly see the problem of Israel as really serious question for the fate of man kind. If the tension in that region could be eased just a bit, it would come around from the dissolution of our own societies need for oil. But day in and day out, cars are on the road. If only one group of people could show the world that there is an alternative to a completely oil dependent society, maybe things would change.

That's where I'm at right now. If you're interested in talking, I'm more than happy to talk about any thing that's on your mind. You sound like you're in a bit of a crises. As a schizophrenic, I've been in some serious moments where I was on the brink of a total mental breakdown. But to be honest, I have found a good way to sort my life out. Now I have to somehow come to terms with what my role in society is. I have to ask myself, is there something I could be doing just to counter act the movement that everyone is making towards continuing to live upon the model of society that has been created for us.

I know this model is unsustainable. On top of that there's a great deal of ignorance in the world. I think there are a lot of people who are coming of age who realize that if change is going to happen, it's going to have to start with them. But as the inheritors of this world, us 20 somethings and us 30 somethings have to ask ourselves if we need to do something about the leadership of our various countries. It doesn't seem like those in power have the health and welfare of the many, many young, intelligent, but powerless people in mind. I have this feeling, as I watch a lot of the uprisings over in the middle east, that something like this could come about in the west. But as I said, although we 20 and 30 somethings are very aware that the world is not heading in a good direction, for some reason we are unwilling do take the drastic measures needed to bring about some kind of change. And I think a part of that unwillingness is this misguided idea that we can somehow attain the things our parents did. Maybe we think we can still lead the kind of lives our parents did, and have the same feeling of stability and what not. But it's obviously not the case.

What we have in the world today is a lot of instability. No one, whether they are mentally healthy of mentally ill, in the ages of 20 or 30 or 40 are going to have anything permanent to hold on to. The only thing we can rely on is our own intuitions that something is desperately wrong with the way the world is operating and that something is inherently corrupt and bad about the people in power who seem to desperately want to grasp at the false idea that this model of society can be sustained. It simply can't. It will all come crumbling down on itself eventually and very soon. There are many things that so many of us could do to make a start at changing some of the faults in our societal structure, but I think many of us hesitate because we are, essentially, not in a position of power. And we are held captive by those in power. And those in power are held captive by the very things which give them power. Money. And the source of the money is not coming from positive things like farming, agriculture, construction, or any of the most basic things. The money and the power of the major societies today is built on the idea of factories which never stop production, oil reserves which never run out, don't cause wars, and don't essentially create pollution. War itself, and the threat of war is the kind of fear under which this generation who is inheriting the world lives. That generation needs to see past all of the crap, all of the lies, all of the corruption and bad intentions. We are a smart and strong generation. But we trust in our leaders too much. We should know that the only people we can trust are ourselves. But when the power and the strength is in the hands of only a few people, we see activism on a small scale as an exercise in futility.

Still, if we don't restructure society soon, weeding out all of the materialistic junk that is supposed to be the meaning of life, like cars, big houses -instead of supporting and nurturing the things that really matter; like farming, agriculture, and community -there isn't going to be any time left to avoid a bad future for ourselves.

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