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Schizophrenia Message Board

Schizophrenia Board Index

I have been with my "ex" significant other for 21 years. Yes a long time. He was incarcerated for a majority of our time together. We met young and his 1st time away he did 10years. I was in love and did not want to be with anyone else. I decided to stay each time which believe it or not was my own decision. He has done two other bids in prison. He had never done drugs going into prison but picked up marijuana and cocaine at different times. When we met that was one thing that drew me to him that he was around people that were but did not do drugs himself. Recently he had only been out for a month or two and had to go to a rehab b/c he could not control the marijuana problem. He did kick the cocaine problem the previous time he was out. So the people at the rehab were trying bath salt (synthetic heroin or cocaine that could not be traced on drug tests) and that's when i saw him change. If you have not heard much about it, it was being marketed at shopes like the novelty places that sell the synthetic marijuana and sex toys etc. It was like the guy in the shinning movie that totally changes like jekyll and hyde. He said i had people in the house when it was just he and i. He had me drive in the car as if we were following people or someone he thought I was cheating on him with and the hit me(not hard enough to stop me from driving) on the side of my head while i drove because he said i was not speeding up to catch up with them. After I got out of the car and ran because he scared me with these actions, he then tackled me like a football player and had never done anything to me like that before. He has accused me of being unfaithful and asking my famiily about my whereabouts when I'm with him most of the time outside of work. He thought people were following him, to and from my job. He'd say things about the "race is on" when he was driving in the car. When i was with him he'd tell me to speed up if a car was coming up w/bright lights in the lane next to us. As if he did not want it to be close to us? So these actions got so bad that he said goodbye without really having anywhere else to go and said he could not be home with all "those people" there. He swore I was cheating -totally wrong and i found out that a girl from the rehab that he slept with her. She bought into his story that I was doing him wrong. So sad and hurtful. I blame the illness, could be bipolar. He has also been around another unhealthy relationship, both of these females are not even close to what his standards are. I'm embarrased for him honestly. I am really trying to let go. I have mention what's wrong to him he listens but he does not do anything about it. So many things about who he is have changed, others have also noticed. I know I can't force it. He has done me soo wrong but I continue to say it is not the person I love. How do I really know if it will get diagnosed, and if he will ever get help. I have been around him again at different times where I feel I will be comfortable or may it's just my heart missing him. Then it always happens on a normal day that i'm caught off guard and he acts totally out of it. He will say disrespectful things that I'm a **** etc. I can not keep going thru the stress of good and bad - happy and hurt, like a roller coaster. More recently he did not return my call when I was coming to where he was if he needed a ride. He ignored my calls and i think i finally caught up with him a day or two later and he answered saying how does it feel, like he intentionally knew he'd have me worried and hurt. Then the 2nd female i mentioned had a charge against him and i said i would not help him if he went back around her. For one -weather he thinks it or not I've been faithful all our relationship and still being around hurt me but I worry about his well being and still love him. He did go back around that female and by chance I called he did not realize that somehow the call picked up and he did not know and I figured out that he was with her. I think God was telling me something. He's not changing, at least for now. I need to keep my distance. I just worry b/c he does not have family that's really close and they are tough and he does not have a roof over his head. With his episodes -the female text me back becasue I sent she was violating his bond, that she has delt with episodes and they are hurtful etc etc, i guess she thinks i was giving my blessing, not. Just so worried -i need to know how to put me 1st. I know he can hurt me with this not being looked into. Sorry for rambling, I feel i can write a book about this experience.

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