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I Am Terrified.
Jul 18, 2013
On June 26th, I had a really bad case of sleep paralysis. I was a little scared afterwards, but I didn't think much more of it. I became slightly scared/paranoid of it happening again, but not much else.

On July 10th, stuff started hitting the fan. Later at night (between 10-11 PM), I went into my bathroom and saw a demon in my bathtub for what couldn't have been more than a few seconds, then I jumped away, and when I looked back, it was gone. This is when my anxiety about having schizophrenia kicked in. It consumed my thoughts, and I could not think about anything else-whether I was actually schizophrenic or not. My anxiety levels were over 9000, and I really didn't know what to do.

On July 15th, around 6 PM, I could've sworn I had heard my mother crying from the basement. I went to check on her, and she was in the kitchen, eating dinner. I went back to my room, and it started up again. I put my ear to the floorboard, and nothing. Plugged my ears, and nothing. My sister and mom were watching TV, so it could've been that, but it's at this point that my fear of it has started to literally make me feel like I'm breaking down.

Over the past week or so, I've been experiencing

-Loss of appetite-I don't eat much anymore. Before, I felt like I could eat dump truck loads. It feels like I'm essentially forcing myself to eat.
-Just very....out of it, I guess? A few days ago, my head felt like it was stuck in liquid concrete and very foggy.
-Weird thoughts in my head. It goes something like this "I wonder if the black polka dot on my bed can tal-OH MY GOD. THAT IS LITERALLY THE DUMBEST S--- I'VE EVER HEARD. JESUS CHRIST, LESLIE." This is all one singular voice in my head, not any multiple voices, but the thoughts occasionally pop in there and that's how I react!
-I'll be scared of creaks in the house, think my head's making them up, and I'll ask my mom and she hears them too.
-Seeing things out of the corner of my eye. I've been seeing black splotches/figures, only to turn my head and a) they're not there or b) something else entirely

I've been trying to contact my therapist, and I don't know what's going on but she's not picking up. I see her in 3 weeks, and I'm going to a seminar in the (safe part) of Detroit starting this weekend for a week.

I don't know if this is rabid anxiety, or I'm legitimately developing something. I'm scared out of my mind.

EDIT: I should also add that I have Asperger's Syndrome, have had bouts of severe depression/anxiety, and am an 18 year old female.





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