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Schizophrenia Message Board


Schizophrenia Board Index


Hello

I'm 34 years old. I don't trust people easily, not even close family members. Since april last year i'm diagnosed with Schizophrenia, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD). i'm taking medication for it like Citalopram, Pipamperone and Quetiapine. Since i take the medicine, it's getting better with me.

Now i have one true friend (she's the reason i'm still alive) who i trust completly, but still my mind is playing tricks on me. For example if she's not answering a text message fast enough, if she doesn't like my facebook post ect,etc. Then my mind goes wild, she doesn't like you anymore (never liked you), as a matter of fact she hates you, she is disgusted by you, you can't trust her ect, etc. I know it's not true, that it's my (ppd) taking over. I realize this even when the voices are telling me all of this, but still in the end i'm being left full with sadness and even hatred towards her, and that hurts me even more, because i really love her. After i have talked to her, everything returns to normal, but sometimes even within an hour everything starts all over again. I don't want to lose here, because she's everything i have, everything what makes my life worth living.

Do more people here have this, or do you know what to do, to stop my mind for playing tricks on me. I am afraid to tell it to my psychiatrist because the last time i've talked to him, he told me it's a possibillity that maybe i have to go to a mental institute (that is not going to happen, i rather die then go to an asylum)

To make a long story short, why am i like this, why can't i think like a normal person.

I hope this all makes a little sense, since english isn't my native language.

Thanks.





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