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Help anyone ?
May 24, 2014
Ok so where do I start? w

I'm a 22 year old male

So I'm posting today because I feel like I've got schizophrenia or some kind of mental disorder

Basically to start it off, I'm living in fear, I have it in my head that someone is going to break in my house and kill me and my family and I don't know why, I don't leave my house unless it's necessary, I've lost all motivation in life , I'm lazy and to be honest Iv lost intereset in how I look , I don't wash as often as I should and I wear my clothes for longer than I should, sometimes I wear my best out fit for weeks cuz I feel people would laugh and mock me for wearing my other clothes although there's nothing wrong with them. I'm currently not receiving benefits(work is out the question) as I'm scared to travel to the building with everyone inside , when I walk past people I feel like I'm getting laughed at.
I constantly experience major paranoia and it get 100 times worse at night .
Last night thought I heard the front door knock and I could hear people talking outside but there was nobody there at all, even though I knew nobody was there I stood looking out the spy hole for 15 mins Whilst carrying a metal pole ..
I would rather watch porn than have sex with my partner aswell I don't know wether it's because I'm too self conscious but we have been together for 3yrs , I watch porn up to 10 times a week and to be honest, I enjoy watching it more than sex ,
Also I have nothing in common with anyone and I find it extremely difficult to engage in conversation with anyone, even my partner / family,
I feel like everyone is out to get me or plotting behind my back , even strangers and when I walk somewhere I constantly feel like someone is Gunna jump out on me a kill me and I keep having visions of getting killed in a drive by.
I have no social life apart from one friend who I see once a week max,
I don't speak to my parents anymore, my mom used to hit me a lot when I was a child and I was bullied all through school sonic think this has definitely contributed to how I feel,
Sometimes I have fantasys about attacking people I see in the street as I think there Gunna attack me,
I have no emotion watsover apart from fear
My grandad died when I was 16 and I loved him to bits but I didn't cry at all , not even when I found out he died and at the funeral I had to fake tears and act sad but really I was in the state of mind like I didn't care , I just can't get upset or happy about anything ,
Also I have started to get really snappy and agitated with people even if they don't do anything wrong , also sometimes my sentences are jumbled when I speak along with stuttering and skip words out of sentences without realising
I learnt that a lack of malnutrition and stress in pregnant women can cause or help bring out schizophrenia in people and since my mom has a lack of b12 , that may be one of the reasons but I don't know
I don't talk to other people in my thoughts but I do talk to myself, like theres another me inside my head , I don't have convos with myself but I talk to the inside my head me when it come to reading people and making decisions
Theres so much I could say about my life but there's too much , can anybody help , I haven't been diagnosed with anything as I'm too scared to go doctors because it's far away n don't like leaving the house , help anyone ??

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