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Sexual Health - General Message Board

Sexual Health - General Board Index

Part 2:

To the original poster: since this could be a bigger issue that is concerning her more than you currently realize, and since you saw fit to bring it up here, I hope you will follow through with your GF and make sure she is okay and on the same page as you are with regard to all the important stuff in your relationship. I really think you should talk to her about this and find out more specifically what she likes in bed and what she might like to change. I’m sure that if she’s comfortable being honest and opening up to you, as is probably best done outside the bedroom, she’ll tell you that she’d like more foreplay, especially more oral sex, and that sometimes she’d like you to please her without being goal oriented, i.e., without waiting for her to have an orgasm so you can then start having intercourse. I think all women like when their partners understand how nice it is from time to time if they lavish attention, affection, and whatever sort of pleasurable stimulation we like most for as long as takes to completely satisfy us. It really is a sign of a great lover when someone is willing to devote all their energy to caressing, kissing, etc. their partner and can get great satisfaction from the thrill of giving such intense pleasure to someone they love deeply. I’ve been so lucky to have always selected as long term partners only unselfish, generous, and very sensitive, skillful lovers who are smart enough to know that the more pleasure they give me, the more pleasure they will get in return…it’s a wonderful pattern to get into, seeing who can please the other more which ends up making both partners deliriously happy and feeling like they couldn’t possibly be more sexually satisfied. I think everyone deserves that kind of intense pleasure, especially when it’s commingled with the joy of knowing that you have found someone who not only gives you great sex, but also loves you enough to do whatever he possibly can to help you experience as much pleasure as you’re physically capable of feeling in a given time period.

It sounds like she wants you to come fairly quickly, which shows that he might just be really inexperienced and clueless about sex, because wanting something and it actually happening are two way different things, especially in the example I used to start this paragraph. I have to say, I’d be pretty tired and ready to stop after 15 minutes of intercourse, because I usually have an orgasm within a minute, then several more orgasms over the next few minutes, but chances are, by 3-5 minutes into intercourse, I’ve had all the orgasms I can handle and want to make it good for my partner, but I certainly wouldn’t want him to last a whole lot longer than 10-15 more minutes! After that I’m not getting nearly as much pleasure, it gets tedious and tiring, and I even start to have cramps in my legs…so guys out there who think women want sex that lasts hours must be meeting women completely different than me, as that doesn’t appeal to be at all. But then, I also hear that some women take a long time to reach orgasm, which changes things, I guess…I can’t really imagine what sex would be like if I had to wait for more than a minute or two before I started having orgasms, but I would guess that my needs would change significantly. To the original poster, I’m not sure that your focus on endurance is something your partner enjoys or appreciates…she seems to be trying to tell you that she’d be a lot happier if you’d hurry up and finish rather than going at her long after she has lost interest in making love, probably after 15-20 minutes from the sound of things. Men who think women want marathon intercourse sessions have been watching way too much porn and need to get that idea out of their heads and start spending a lot more time doing things that bring your partner pleasure in real life, not like when the porn stars fake loving even the most painful stunts they do in order to earn their paycheck and delude men into keeping their fantasy alive that women love everything that they try and want to do in bed.

I’m really, really sorry to hear that you aren’t able to get together more than once a month—I would try to focus your energy on improving that statistic, regardless of what it takes. Can one of you move, or can you guys move in together? Are either of you okay, much less content, with seeing each other so infrequently and lacking so much privacy that you can only be intimate once every 3- days? I know I’d feel like I was dying from being sexually deprived if that was all the sex I was getting! Anyway, Magnetic is totally right about the spermicidal condoms—for the sake of your girlfriend’s health and to spare her pain, please discontinue using those ASAP. They have found out that lubricated condoms with spermicide do not provide better protection than non-spermicidal condoms, though I would strongly suggest that you always buy lubricated condoms. And if you don’t already, make sure to use a water-based (not oil-based, which can erode condoms) lubricant like KY—for best results, you should put a little bit inside the condom before you put it on and slather the outside generously with lubricant before initiating intercourse. Hopefully that will make it more pleasant and enjoyable for your girlfriend and remember that sex should never, ever hurt! If it does, something is wrong and needs to be remedied—would you want to be in pain during most of your sexual interactions? I doubt it, so please stop using those condoms which have such harsh chemical on them that they literally tear her up inside, creating numerous little cuts inside her which sting and become aggravated during sex, particularly when she’s just lying there for an hour, probably hoping that you’ll finish any minute now for the majority of the time. Sorry, I really don’t mean to be critical, I just really feel for your GF, having unfortunately been in her shoes once or twice. Perhaps it would also help her relax and enjoy sex more if she used a backup method of birth control in addition to condoms. While condoms are great for preventing STDs, they alone don’t do that great a job at preventing pregnancy, and so if she is not already, I’d advise her to try either a hormonal contraceptive like the pill for her piece of mind and to regulate her cycles or even eliminate her periods like the shot does for many women, or else to get a diaphragm or another barrier method to give you guys additional protection against pregnancy. It's essential to protect ourselves emotionally and physically when opening ourselves up to love and sex and also to get the most pleasure we can out of each experience, because we never know what will be waiting around the next corner and therefore owe it to ourselves to live life to the fullest no matter what! :)

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