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Sleep Disorders Message Board

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I read on an older post that there are others with this issue, such a relief to see I am not the only one experiencing this problem.

I know general forum etiquette is to post a reply to that thread, but I cannot as some people have visibility to that thread and id rather them not read the below.
So apologies for that, and apologies for the super long post below... but im going CRAZY here and I need some help! :( :dizzy:

I find that its very difficult for me to fall asleep before my wife does. The only times I can successfully fall sleep before she does is if a) I believe she is asleep and she doesnt move around; b) I take a sleeping pill; or c) I am mentally/physically exhausted and I just 'crash'. There is the VERY odd occasion when I can actually fall asleep before her while she is in the room. In any case, I find that I keep waking throughout the night whenever she makes a move or talks in her sleep (she does this quiet often, perhaps 5 to 6 nights a week she will sleep talk at least once). I usually wake up and conciously curse myself for having woken up and go back to sleep in a few minutes. This may happen 2 - 5 times in a night. So I get limited REM sleep.

We are newlyweds, so since getting married I find that my waking hours are spiraling downwards. At worst of times I feel like I am walking with a fog around my mind all day. My memory is impaired (but this may also be due to other factors), I am unable to think clearly and I have slow reactions. At best of times I feel normal. But for quite some time now I have not felt 'refreshed' and lucid during my waking hours, especially that feeling I used to get after a great, long and deep sleep. This is just not possible for me anymore.

Sometimes my wife isnt home yet, so I take that opportunity to try and catch up on some sleep. But when she gets home I wake easily. The past few times this has happened i've taken a sleeping pill to sleep through this. I told her I took the sleeping pill once and she got upset and said I just need to sleep earlier. I cant tell her she is the reason why I cant sleep earlier so I just dont tell her I take the sleeping pill now.
Using sleeping pills is a last ditch effort for me. I dont like how they make me groggy the next day. This cant be a long-term solution, so I try to avoid it.

Being a newlywed I didnt know I had an issue until I began to sleep on a regular basis with someone else in the same bed/room.
Initially, I just thought when my girlfriend slept over at my house; when I slept at hers, or when I would go camping/trips etc that my inability to sleep with anyone was because I was excited to have someone with me. I took pride in staying awake until she was fast asleep and then I would sleep. The next day I knew I didnt get the best sleep but this was OK because the next night I would be alone in my own bed and be able to sleep without a problem, so I would catch up.

I've brought this up with my wife on several occasions but I don't feel she takes it seriously. Because she feels that all other couples we know (especially newlyweds) are easily able to sleep in the same bed together, then we should be able to also. She doesn't have a problem with it, so I walk away feeling like I need to fix myself. Essentially I feel like a loser and because of this I hardly bring it up anymore. I only mention that I havent 'had enough sleep', but I dont tell her the reason why.

The problem is getting worse. We have developed a very bad habit of using our laptops/phones in bed to surf before we sleep. I use it until she sleeps, and she stays on the phone for quite a while (sometimes an hour, sometimes a little less). Then when she decides to put it away and sleep I do the same about 10 minutes later. By then, its usually past midnight so I dont get as much sleep as id like. When I try to sleep immediately (no laptop/book), she is still surfing the net and even though she does it with the screen brightness down and quietly, I know that she is awake and I end up staying awake anyway.

Nowadays, I try to get home after work as quickly as possible and I silenty hope she stays back at work. This usually gives me up to 1 hour to jump in bed. I very rarely actually sleep, but I go in and out of the alpha-state and it feels good :)


Its driving me crazy. I find my temper is on the end of a shorter fuse. I have difficulty recalling things. I am always anxious about getting in to bed at night. I feel like a terrible, TERRIBLE husband when I hope that she doesnt come in to bed the same time as me; or when I hope she isnt home so I can try and get a little rest. The whole thing is just made worse because its so easy for her to sleep anywhere at anytime and with anyone in the room, I think she feels that she is 'normal' and she resenting me for even suggesting we sleep in a separate room.

Sorry for the long post and the ramblings... but I am going crazy here. I dont know how to handle this situation anymore and its taking its toll on me physically and mentally.


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