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Spinal Cord Disorders Message Board


Spinal Cord Disorders Board Index


Hi Kathy,Lori,Darla,Oliver and ALL

Pain is such an emotional issue when it comes to how our spouses react to us.
Fear as has already been said is one. But the other is really a feeling of helplesness. As most of you know my spouse Elaine has had two operations on her feet, both at the same time in the past two years for Rhematoid Arthritis. When I see Elaine in pain which is really 24/7 and if you were to scale it 1-10 she is in pain around the 9-10 mark for most of her wakened hours with only short spells of sleep as a reprieve for her.
My feeling is one of total helplesness and it is was the same with her feelings to me prior to my operation.

All we can do is accept that it is our bodies, each and every one of us to some degree or another that is experiencing the pain and that our spouces, me as one can not judge the degree of pain we/you are in.

This makes for some mixed up feelings, one as already stated Fear, is this ever going to get better, is it life threatening, will I lose her/him?? No, he/she can't be in that much pain, they are only playing on the pain for a sympathy vote.No sex hmmm she/he doesn't love me any more... If no sex, why doesn't he /she want to give me cuddles any more?? Not understanding that when in large degrees of pain the last thing on your mind is cuddles. Most people when in pain retreat into themselves and just want to be left alone, but for the sake of our marriages we MUST make life as normal as is possible for our respective spouses, in that we have to moan as 0ne of you said to some other party, Mother,Father, Sister,Brother or whatever, but making absolutely sure that they are able to cope with it first "That they have broad shoulders"
In this way it is keep outwith the marriage/parnership and in turn our partners and ourselves are less stressed.
This board is good for venting, you/we should always use it as a first port of call ot one of the persons mentioned above, hope this is of some help and I haven't rambled too much for you

for now,

to ALL

Davy


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Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Numbness
Hi Kathy

I fully understand your fellings when you say I hope they find something from the MRI then you will know what's what.. Please let us know how you get on

I also understand where you are at when you said that "Darn it I want some Romance involved"
But has your hubby been the romantic type??? If not then why don't YOU introduce the romance? He may well be the type that equates sex (Love-making) as his way of showing you he still "Fancy's you" (Finds you attractive and wantable) and loves you

If you love him "Tell Him" and in that simple gesture you may well reassure him that although you are in pain, it may not be for too long now, depending on your MRI results and future treatment.

When one of us (Spouse) injures them-self(Not intentionaly or even knowingly) the other half generaly sees it as a lifelong situation which thankfully for the vast majority of us "It IS NOT"...

for now Kathy,

to you and yours,

Davy



------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Numbness
And Thanks to you too my Dear Friend

Just a quicky to let you know everythings ok here and that I am busy just now.. Got in tonight at 23:12 hrs.. so it's off to bed for me.

Love yah Belle,

nighty night Davy


------------------
Had C6 Vertebrectomy,ACDF with Decompression,Titanium Plate and Screws (MRI Compatible) 7th Aug 2002
Own bone from (R) Iliac Crest.
Doing Great!!!
But still with some Numbness





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