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Spinal Cord Disorders Message Board

Spinal Cord Disorders Board Index

Hello Gang! or should I say partners in crime :D
Well i haven't been onboard much. Having problems still with MSN, which is driving me nuts! However they have promised to fix it over the next 48 hours, we'll see. [img][/img]
Haven't been able to come on and type much, my hands have been cramping up really bad, whenever I write or type. And it has hit the point now that some days my legs are so stiff they will not bend or give at all. Doing the penguin! Physio states the pain in my achilles tendon is from foot drop and that when you add the increased spacticity, the tendons are shortening. She gave me some stretches which seem to be helping a little. It doesn't seem much of a choice, when I am upright, pain and disfunction, I lay down and my lower legs, feet and hands go completely numb. My swallowing is deteriorating, only eating soft food because of food sticking in my throat. Which could be worse i guess , cause if I had a gag reflex I 'd be choking all the time.
I am sure you can sense by this post, that i am kind of giving up. Haven't heard from the new law firm yet so will call them after the holidays. There was this spark of hope with a DR from Hamilton who was fast tracking patients from my physio group. So I got all hopeful again, but got a call from his office and he will not see me (because I am an MVA pt), unless the auto ins. pays him to see me. Then if they pay him, he can only assess me, he will not be able to treat me. I am just finding that I have been fighting and banging my head against a wall for so long, and have gotten nowhere. And I'm tired of banging my head.
It would be so simple if I could afford to just outright pay for my surgery in Chicago. But I cant. So I have launched another appeal to our health ins., but like I said to my hubby last night, I dont know why I did it. All that seems to happen when I fight is get knocked down. And I just dont think I am up to any more kicks at present.
Yes I am obviously depressed, I did start the prozac this week , which is okay, no major side effects .So hopefully that will take effect, it usually takes a couple of weeks to get full benifit of it. It is just so sad, I have fought this and remained positive for so long, and the worst part is this feeling of helpless and hopeless state.
It is just so hard, I can feel myself deteriorating, and I just cant get anywhere. I know that if I had a PCP that was proactive and fought for me, it might be different. Actually I'm sure it would be. But we are not allowed to change docs. if you have one, because of the shortages. I can never get over that mine never checks me, he has never even checked my reflexes.
Sorry everybody, this post is a big drag isn't it. Again sorry, had to let it out.
I just miss my life, you know. I miss my job, and school, going for walks, having fun, doing all of the activities that I love. I know most of you are experiencing the same things, so you probably don't need to hear it from me too, but I knew you would understand. I don't have as much loss as many of you here. But , the amount of injury or loss, is not as important as how this affects you.
I am sorry to dump on you my dear friends, but i needed to let this out. Know that I am thinking of you, hope you all have a painfree and enjoyable holiday.
Love Mel

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