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Re: Friends?
Apr 27, 2002
Ok sweet and lonely,

I gotta story for you, I moved to WI in 8th grade and I was nice and friends with almost everyone. Pretty soon I became best friends with the most popular girl in school. We did everything together and I was so happy. Then one day it all changed I dont have enough time right now to include all the details but it was bad. I lost all of my friends I hated the way I looked the way I talked the way I walked the way I smiled the way I laughed and the way I cried. I hated myself. So pretty soon I only had ONE friend and I was sitting in Algebra class and we had time at the end of the period to work on the assignment. My friend gave me a note and said that someone gave it to her and that it was from "everyone" So I opend it up and read it. It said something about how I needed to go home and shower and not to come back cause no one wanted me there. I was heartbroken, I cried for 2 hours straight. I wanted to kill my self to just get life over with! The next day I came to school labled class A loser. I walked down the halls and people would turn away and whisper. When I got to the end of the hall my x best friend" the popular one" looked at me and SMILED! OMG! If my friend wouldn't have smiled at me at that time I would not be here today. All the rest of the year she and I stayed friends and she to this day doesn't know she saved my life but I am going to tell her. All of the guys made fun of me and I still thought I would never have a boyfriend. Life sucked and I was a fricken lemon! Freshmen year I started to fill out my body figre a lil more and then sophomore year I was back with the popular group. All of the guys and made fun of me and teased me till I was almost insane are the ones now, that wish they could go out with ME! When I was four years old my mother used to take in foster children and there was two boys and they were 8 and 9 and they raped me and I used to think whenever i was with a guy that I was dirty and all men wanted me for was sex so I never let guys touch me. Kisses were forbidden. I thought if they only knew what I did 12 years ago they wouldn't love me if they really knew what i did. But now i realize I was just a lil girl I didn't know any better but self realization and self forgiveness takes time. I am still working on it but at least I can now look at myself in the mirror and KNOW that I smile for other people and try to be that smile for everyone else that kept me going. Sweet someday when all of this crap is over you are going to be able to be the most understanding person in the world. Cause face it we have all been thru alot of crap and some more then others but when its all over you can help some one else. Cause you can say " I was down that dark tunnel but look at me now there is always a light at the end no matter how long and dark its always there!" So I hope that this helps you see somethings in a differant perspective.
Love ya girl!
cause dang girl i been there! :)

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